Posts Tagged ‘WWCRD’

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The Week of Furniture

November 15th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

>My return to New York will be followed by exciting furniture deliveries. In October, I wrote a letter to Room and Board cursing them for failing to have a sofa I ordered in August. Last week, the warehouse called me and said that they will not only deliver our couch to us on Nov. 18, but that it will include the sofa bed that we actually purchased. How exciting! I would love to credit my angry internet letter, but I know that it was Husband’s phone call to the incompetent sales rep in which he said he’d cancel the whole thing that made it magically be processed in a timely fashion.

Even better, the new sofa bed will arrive in time for Steph’s visit. She shall sleep on a cushiony bed fit for the princess she is. (No need for me to demonstrate her royally high standards by putting a pea under it.)

Only slightly less exciting because the purchase involved significantly less drama, my new nightstand, which CUSS readers helped me select (and which Macy’s closed the deal on by having it on sale for 77% off), is scheduled to arrive on tomorrow.

Oh, the classiness! I almost can’t live here any more. Almost.

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>The Nightstand Dilemma: What Would CUSS Readers Do?

November 2nd, 2009 by Suzanne | 6 Comments | Filed in random

>In Ye Olden Dayes, when people had questions about situations they faced, they traveled miles and miles on foot and donkey to seek answers. The Oracle at Delphi was popular with the ancient Greeks, for example. How lucky we are today! I am extremely grateful that I don’t need to schlepp to the top of a mountain to find help for my thorny dilemmas, but instead can turn to the visionaries of the internet for their advice. This not only saves time and money, but does not require me to change out of my pajamas.*

So here, Great Sages and Visionaries of the Blogosphere, is my pressing problem: my nightstand of nine years broke. Given that I purchased it from Ikea, it’s run as my bedside companion is very impressive. The drawers went a little off track a few years ago, but two weeks ago, the plastic snapped, and now the middle drawer rests in the bottom drawer.
This will not do. It is time to invest in a new nightstand.

I initially purchased a similar three drawer model from Ikea for $40. However, Husband and I managed to fuck up putting it together in rather inventive ways, and he told me never to buy anything that required construction from Ikea again. I went back to the internets and found two alternatives:

Option A:

Option B:

Now, there is nothing wrong with Option A. I could totally be fine, even happy, with Option A. It might even match a dresser that Husband has, which would be exciting. However, Option B is gorgeous. How can I not desire its sleek design and shiny wood? O, Oracle, how I covet it!

The problem is that Option B costs three times as much as Option A. Husband told me that it’s OK to spend some money on nicer furniture (nicer furniture that will of course match nothing else we own, another bonus in my trashy eyes), but I can’t help but feel guilty at spending so much money on a freakin’ nightstand, even if it is the best nightstand ever made.

What would you do?

*To be accurate, I’m wearing my gym clothes. But whatever. It would probably be disrespectful to consult the Oracle in smelly gym pants.

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>Three Adjectives

August 22nd, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in hilarity, nerds, random

>My friend decided to join a dating site. One of the many irritating tasks to complete her profile involved filling in three adjectives to describe yourself.

“What do you think of whiny, judgmental, and anxious?” she asked me.

After I picked myself up from the floor of the Indian restaurant (I had fallen off my chair laughing – almost not an exaggeration), I told her that I thought it was brilliant. “It’s honest – although I do not think you are whiny – and intriguing. It seems like only people who get it, and thus get you, would respond.” (Incidentally, I initially suggested that she use generous, intelligent, vibrant. OK, I actually said zestful, but she pointed out that sounds like a soap commercial, and just thought of vibrant now. Lively could also work. I still sort of like zestful, even if it is sudsy.)

Then I thought about what three adjectives I would use to describe myself. I realized that I would have to steal two out of three of her words because they are so true for me – judgmental and anxious. My third would be petty. I could substitute spastic or stressed for anxious and mocking for judgmental if I was forced to, but anxious and judgmental are just so perfect. Obsessive could also be a good choice. (If also forced to choose three positive ones, I would opt for entertaining, wonky, chatty.)

I hate ending blog posts by posing a question, but what three adjectives would you choose?

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>What Would CUSS Readers Do?: Sloganeeringhat

January 15th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, evil, hilarity, What is wrong with people?

>Once again proving that by the time you read something in a mainstream newspaper, it’s probably too late to be of use, today’s New York Times has an article about people scamming troubled homeowners by charging money to “fix” the loans, then disappearing.* The Times notes this is a growing scam, but it has actually been a huge problem for at least a year now. (One deputy attorney general in California said that dealing with the swindlers has been all she’s done, with 300 calls received in the past year.) Perhaps reporting on the issue six months ago may have alerted people to the scams and helped them avoid them, but whatever. The media just reports what’s happening; it’s not there to help people make informed decisions or anything. Bah.

Anyway, one of the things I’ve been tasked with at my new job is to come up with a clever marketing slogan to alert people to the presence of mortgage “fixing” scams and let them know that there is free, government-approved housing counseling available. The best I’ve come up with thus far is:

In trouble with your home loan?
Stop getting fucked up the ass!
FREE housing counseling is available.
Call blah blah blah and stop the bleeding.

Although it is to the point and accurate, this is probably not going to fly for a variety of reasons. If anyone has any other suggestions (legitimate or not), I’m all ears. I promise to give you credit if I use it.

*As a random side rant (or as my brother-in-law would say, rantom), the fact that people can go up to someone who is about to lose his or her home, promise her that they can save it, and then steal whatever cash that the homeowner may have used to actually save the home, blows my mind. How can the goniff sleep at night, knowing that they’ve made others homeless? Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people? How did some manage to become such fucking assholes?

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>What Would CUSS Readers Do?: Election Time Dilemma

November 6th, 2008 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Jewishness, What is wrong with people?

>
(Sorry about the sideways picture, but its a long story of technology snafus and swearing.)

As an election activity at the elementary school at which my sister works, a “Wishes for Our Country” tree was set up in the lobby. The idea idea is that kids would decorate a paper star on some side and write a message of hope for the nation on the other. It would then be put on the tree. Sounds good so far, right?

The day before the election, Dana was surprised to notice a Cristmas tree in the lobby with two boxes of lights.

“Why is there a Christmas tree?” her co-worker, who attended Catholic school as a child, asked Dana.

Dana wondered the same thing. It turns out that the Christmas tree was the voting tree. She felt very uncomfortable with it, as it obviously represents a Christian holiday, especially with all stars hanging from it and a pseudo angel topper. The school is not supposed to have religious displays. However, since she is neurotic like I am, she is worried that she is overreacting although obviously she is insanely pissed about it since she’s obsessed over it for days now and asked me to post it on my blog.

What do you think? Should she say something to the principal, who she has a good relationship with?

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>What Would CUSS Readers Do?: Holiday Gifts

October 21st, 2008 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

>On November 3, I will be writing about great gifts for feminist bloggers on BlogHer. Since I seem to only want bizarre things (like a Jody Davis Cubs jersey) or charitable things (donations to the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice and/or National Network of Abortion Funds), I seek input.

What do you want for the holidays?

Leave me a comment, and when I write up the post I’ll link to your blog, unless you ask me not to do so. Be honest, but also be warned: I probably won’t recommend gift certificates to waxing salons, even if it is something you would adore. I might buy you one, though. :)

Jeez, I can’t believe the holidays are right around the corner.

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>Things I Need Explained to Me

September 22nd, 2008 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, What is wrong with people?

>1. How are the events of Sept. 11, 2001 and their aftermath the fault of Democrats when the White House was controlled by a Republican, the House of Representatives were controlled by Republicans, and the Senate was split 50-50? (I ask this because director David Zucker told Entertainment Weekly that he switched parties after 9/11 “due to what he saw as Democratic dithering.” Kelsey Grammer goes on to say, “A lot of people don’t want to admit that a threat to this country exists.” Yes, and that included your stupid fucking President Bush, who then used his ignorance to blame other people for 9/11.)

2. What feed reader is the best to use? (I ask this because I’ve had nothing but trouble with my lame attempts to get a better handle on my blog reading through the use of feed readers.)

3. Why do conservatives never want to engage in real conversation? (I ask this because I noticed that liberals and moderates comment frequently on the conservative posts at BlogHer, but the conservative posters never reply to posts from liberal or moderate bloggers. OK, I know the answer to this is because they don’t like listening to facts and having their worldview challenged. Also, let’s face it, I think many of them are just not smart enough to engage in a logical discussion. There. I said it.)

4. Why does it take 7-10 days for a haircut to settle into something decent? (I ask this because I got a haircut on Thursday and I think I look like a dipshit, but this happens every time I get a haircut, and all is well 7-10 days later.)

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>What Would CUSS Readers Do?: Lit Crit 101

September 13th, 2008 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

>Um, does anyone know anything about writing 2-3 page criticisms of short stories and essays focusing on one aspect of the work (like dialog)? Because I sure as fuck don’t have a clue. I take that back – I have a clue, but only one that would lead me to write 2-3 sentences.

Advice is welcome. Recommendations of potential sources are welcome. Anything is welcome.

Update, 6:20 PM: After spending some time cruising the aisles of my local B&N, I purchased How to Read Literature Like a Professor by Thomas C. Foster. It certainly lives up to its subtitle, “A Lively and Entertaining Guide to Reading Between the Lines. While I do not think this will entirely solve my problem, it has provided me with three or four more clues as to how to write some sort of paper describing the techniques that are used in the various pieces that I am reading. I also bought a book of literary essays from 2000-2005 by J.M. Coetzee. Now I just hope that “literary essays” and “literary reviews” are synonyms for “literary criticism.”

CUSS reader insight is still very welcome.

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>Burning Question of the Day

August 19th, 2008 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

>If you could have a dishwasher or a washing machine and dryer, which would you choose?

I’m so going with the washing machine. We rarely cook, so it doesn’t bother me to wash whatever dishes our microwaved meals generate (or even the frying pan when I make my daily eggs). It’s a pain in the ass when we have larger group meals, like at Thanksgiving, but that’s only a few times a year. I’ve never lived anywhere with a dishwasher, so I don’t miss it.

On the other hand, I would kill for a washer and dryer. (And the person I’d kill gladly is the one who was in the laundry room of my building using every fucking machine the building owns.) Generally, I don’t mind schlepping my clothes to the basement, but it’s pretty damn expensive for a wash and dry. It would not be expensive to get my own machine, as the building shares the cost of water. Meaning: I’m already paying for the water that everyone else who has a machine uses, including the person whose machine empties soapy water into my kitchen sink every fucking morning. (Or at least I think it smells like laundry detergent that bubbles up; it could be dishwasher soap, but I’m not sure what that smells like, as I’ve never had a dishwasher.) Sure, I’d pay for the electricity to run the appliances, but it would so be worth it. Maybe some day.

Anyway, I’m curious what The People prefer, i.e. “What Would CUSS Readers Do? (WWCRD).”

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>Wanted: Opinions – What Would CUSS Readers Do?

May 6th, 2008 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

>As I’m editing the proofs for Off the Beaten (Subway) Track (now also sold at MTV’s online store!), I discovered that the publisher set aside a page for a dedication in addition to the acknowledgments that I already submitted. I want to dedicate the book to Husband. What do you think of the following options:

1. To Husband. There’s no one like you in the world.

or

2. To Husband, my favorite unusual attraction.

I think two is clever given that the book is about unusual attractions, but I fear that it could come across as sleazy, weird, or creepy. He sometimes is easily embarrassed, although after being with me for 13 years, his threshold has risen dramatically. The first one thus seems safer, but I hate playing it safe. At the same time, I don’t want to do anything that will make him uncomfortable.

I’m not asking Husband which he prefers because I want it to be a surprise. (He never reads CUSS, so I’m not worried about him discovering my plans.) What do you think?

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