Posts Tagged ‘props to my peeps’

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>Hitting the Big Time – Inconceivable!

October 4th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

>Last week was (another) rough week. This not having a job thing is really weighing on me. Even though other good things are happening, I’ve been in a serious unemployment funk.

Then, as I was moping around Grand Central Station on Thursday while waiting for a friend, I received the following email on my BlackBerry:

I’m writing to invite you to a live radio show at the UCB Theater in Chelsea next week, Weds, Oct 7th between 6-7pm. I’m sorry for the short notice, but one of our listeners suggested you as a guest, and you’d be in great company — also booked for that evening is author/actor Wallace Shawn and comedian Brent Weinbach. We’d love to
talk about your book “Off the Beaten Subway Track” and get some tips from you about exploring NYC.

The show is a WFMU radio talkshow called “Seven Second Delay” hosted by Andy Breckman and Ken Freedman. Andy’s the creator and executive producer of the Emmy-award winning show Monk, airing on the USA Network, and Ken is General Manager of WFMU, an independent radio station. They co-host Seven Second Delay, an hour-long
loosely-formatted radio show that broadcasts live from the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in Chelsea and reaches about 30,000 listeners an episode. More information on the show is available here: http://sevenseconddelay.blogspot.com/.

Are you available? Interested? We also have a date in November we
could look into.

Am I interested? Am I available? Fuck yeah!!! Not only does it sound like a rad radio show with awesome hosts, but Wallace Shawn from the motherfucking movie The Princess Bride is going to be on. Missing that show would be inconceivable! (Which, I am embarrassed to admit, was more or less my reply. I am glad they still wanted me after I made that lame joke.)

This invitation perked me right up, and I’ve been feeling much better these past few days. I owe it all to Pamela. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Pamela!

As noted, the show is on Wed., Oct. 7 at 6 pm at the UCB Theater (307 W. 26th Street). It only costs $5 to see me share a stage with Wallace Shawn. Inconceivable, I know. The show also streams online or can be heard on the old fashioned radio at 91.1 FM in New York, at 90.1 FM in the Hudson Valley. I am major excited.

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>My Subway Pervert

September 24th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in fuck, hilarity, random

>Usually after class, I join my classmates for drinks and bonding at a restaurant/bar near school. I happen to loathe the gathering spot, as the waiters seem to count the second from when we walk in the door to when we will leave. Nothing makes me feel more like socializing than an ancient waiter in a red coat throwing my overpriced Diet Pepsi at me and demanding payment the second the mini bottle hits the dirty reddish table cloth. The free snacks do not make up for the general nasty atmosphere.

On Monday, we went elsewhere, and while I now fear that I misled the waitress about my interest in her, at least no one yelled at us or forced us to keep ordering as we chatted into the wee hours. Despite our positive experience, the group headed back to the crappy restaurant bar. I decided to go to a wacky open mic event instead.

The event was still going strong when I slipped out at 12:30. I could barely keep my eyes open. Fortunately, I did not have to wait too long for the subway. I sat toward the front of the train, reading a magazine. A few stops into my journey, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed someone with grey-ish colored jeans walking rapidly toward me.

The woman sat in the seat on the bench next to me. What the fuck? I thought. The entire car was empty. What was wrong with this asshole? Then she pressed her thigh against mine.

It took me a nanosecond to decide that this was bullshit. I didn’t even look at her. Eye contact seemed like an invitation to chat. I got up, walked out of the car, and re-boarded the one behind it. I had just settled down to read again, when the jeans reappeared. Fuck fuck fuck!!! I knew I shouldn’t wear a dress that was so low cut. Now I have stalker.

The woman sat down on the same bench on which my ass resided. I looked over at her. It was my friend T. from school. I burst out laughing, as did she.

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>Three Adjectives

August 22nd, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in hilarity, nerds, random

>My friend decided to join a dating site. One of the many irritating tasks to complete her profile involved filling in three adjectives to describe yourself.

“What do you think of whiny, judgmental, and anxious?” she asked me.

After I picked myself up from the floor of the Indian restaurant (I had fallen off my chair laughing – almost not an exaggeration), I told her that I thought it was brilliant. “It’s honest – although I do not think you are whiny – and intriguing. It seems like only people who get it, and thus get you, would respond.” (Incidentally, I initially suggested that she use generous, intelligent, vibrant. OK, I actually said zestful, but she pointed out that sounds like a soap commercial, and just thought of vibrant now. Lively could also work. I still sort of like zestful, even if it is sudsy.)

Then I thought about what three adjectives I would use to describe myself. I realized that I would have to steal two out of three of her words because they are so true for me – judgmental and anxious. My third would be petty. I could substitute spastic or stressed for anxious and mocking for judgmental if I was forced to, but anxious and judgmental are just so perfect. Obsessive could also be a good choice. (If also forced to choose three positive ones, I would opt for entertaining, wonky, chatty.)

I hate ending blog posts by posing a question, but what three adjectives would you choose?

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>Back in Action

July 28th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in hilarity

>Although I rescheduled my interview for this afternoon (excited and nervous!), I was a fucking wreck yesterday. Frustration, lack of sleep, and the mess that I arrived home to triple teamed me into a crying blob of jelly. I attempted to clean things up a bit, napped for a few hours, then showered. I feel much better today.

I didn’t take many pictures at the BlogHer Conference, as I am not very good at photography and I always forget to take out my camera. I ride the coattails of my friends. However, I did get a few snaps (in random order):

Laurie of LaurieWrites and Sarah of Sarah and the Goon Squad at Thursday’s reception.

Gorgeous view of the Chicago River from my filthy hotel room.

The plastic beaver cream cheese knife that Suebob of Red Stapler gave me – a beaver spreader!

With Pam Mandel, travel writer extraordinaire, of Nerd’s Eye View at Thursday’s reception.

Moi, Count Mockula, Maren, and Suebob graced the Oscar Meyer Weinermobile with our loveliness on Friday.

Carmen (whose blog I forgot – sorry!!!) and I tested out the bathtub of the Presidential Suite at the CheeseburgHer party on Sat. night. It passed my rigorous requirements for spectacular views, but I swear was a bit dirty.

With BlogHer co-founder Lisa Stone at the CheeseburgHer party. (If I look tired, it is because of my crazy partying at the Playboy party on Friday night. OK, OK! I confess: there was no Playboy party. We invented it to compensate for not being invited to any sponsored parties and make people jealous…)

Laurie Kingston of Not Done Yet; Virginia DeBolt, techie extraordinaire, of BlogHer; and Maren at dinner at Gino’s East of Chicago on Saturday night. (Maren and I each had 1.5 slices of deep dish pizza, then foolishly each ate a cheeseburger at the following CheeseburgHer party. On a related note, may I add that my interview pants are tight today?)

Even if I was functional yesterday, I could not have uploaded these jewels of fun until today, as I have no internet access in my apartment right now. Another casualty of the renovation. I really hope the damn thing is over before next year’s conference in New York…

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>Greetings from Pittsburgh!

July 26th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

>BlogHer was a trip and a half. I laughed and laughed with my
roommates, Suebob and Maren. I romped with Count Mockula, her mom,
and her genius toddler daughter. I wore a paper bag hat, sat in the
bathtub of the Presidential Suite in the Sheraton, and ate a
cheeseburger at the CheeseburgHer party. I socialized with
Sassymonkey, Denise, LaurieWrites, Heather Clisby, Megan Smith, Major
Bedhead, Amber Rhea, Pam Mandel, Sarah and the Goon Squad, Average
Jane, Liz Henry, and other exceptional women. Updated to add the Graces: Mitchell and Davis, who made my lunch on Sat. one of the highlights of the conference.) I wanted to meet
Nordette Adams, and failed. I collected swag. I ate Mars Bars,
courtesy of Sassymonkey. I dined at Gino’s East of Chicago with Liz
Rizzo, Virginia DeBolt, Laurie Kingston, my parents, the
aforementioned roommates, and Count Mockula clan. And on and on.
(Oh, yeah. I attended some panels and also did a book signing.)

So I am tired. I want to get to my furnitureless, dust-infested
apartment (except for the bedroom, which has almost all of the
remaining furniture and boxes, but not so much dust at my last time of
residency). I want to prepare my bag and outfit for an interview I
have tomorrow morning. Then I’d like to sleep in my bed, which has
dirty sheets because we haven’t changed them since construction began,
but this kind of dirty sheet smells like Husband, who is in Vegas
nowe, and makes me happy. And I want to prepare for my interview
tomorrow. (Noted twice, not out of senility, but to emphasize
importance.)

Instead, I am sitting in an airplane in Pittsburgh. The flight was
scheduled to arrive in NYC twenty minutes ago. Planes are not allowed
to land at LaGuardia right now due to a storm, so we flew in circles,
slowly progressing east, until we ran out of gas. (Like me, but no
refueling in sight!)

It could be worse. I could still be at O’Hare. And at least I have
six Mars Bars in my bag. And a Vosges chocolate bacon bar (thanks,
Suebob!). Plus, BlogHer will be in NYC next year. Yay!

–
Sent from my mobile device

Blog: www.cussandotherrants.com
Book: www.offthebeatensubwaytrack.com

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>Nephew!

May 3rd, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

>Here’s my mom holding little Marcus:

Cute little bugger!

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>Meet Maurice

April 21st, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in hilarity, random

>Advances in brain scanning photography are so sophisticated, that an image of Maurice recently became available:


Maurice is, of course, the hamster who runs on the wheel that powers my brain. This picture of him hard at work clarified many things for me. First, I noticed that my brain hamster is incredibly furry. I assume that he sheds a lot, which may explain the fogginess that I often experience. With all that fur flying, who can think straight? The fluff is also probably why I have so many sinus problems. And forget the wood chips…

Still, I am impressed by Maurice’s dedication to keeping the wheel spinning for 16 hours or more a day. He is a very hard little worker. Unfortunately, I have been rewarding him with treats rather often these days. Today we had a rocky road brownie as a bonus for making it through a torturous legislative hearing, plus a Berger’s Cookie after dinner. All of this is not good for Zena, Shetland pony that turns the wheel that powers my digestive system. Oh well.

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>Three Cheers for Maurice

April 10th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Damn, writing

>Frankly, I’m in deep shit. I think that working full-time, attending a full-time master’s program in creative writing, drafting two posts a week for BlogHer, serving on the Board of a nonprofit child care center that has real estate issues, attempting healthy-ish lifestyle through exercise, and continuing to have relationships with friends and family (which I am failing at miserably in some cases) is maybe more than I can handle. For the last two weeks, I’ve been exhausted constantly.

It’s not just me who needs a break. Maurice, the hamster who runs on the wheel that powers my brain, is on strike. At first I was mad at his furry ass for not keeping up, thus resulting in me making big mistakes like handing in the same story twice (written in two different ways, since I didn’t remember writing it in the first place) or smaller errors like when I called Oedipus Odysseus in yesterday’s blog post. Now I realize that the little dude is just overworked.

Maurice and I used to take breaks to read friends’ blogs or watch mindless TV. These days, I need to think for more hours, whether to learn about the nuances of Obama’s foreclosure prevention plan or to answer questions about a book I read for class, and poor little Maurice runs nonstop from when I wake up until I go to sleep. That’s a lot for any brain hamster, let alone a 33 year old one. So I want to thank him publicly for hanging in there. (Thanks Maurice!)

I need to take a hard look at everything that’s on my plate. I know what I want to cut, but Husband is not on board with that plan. If only I could write a book and sell it for six-figures, like, say fucking Meghan McCain,* that would solve everything. Uh, right….

*Love Jossip’s suggested title about Ann Coulter, as does Maurice.

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>Welcome to the Family!

April 1st, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in hilarity, random

>Husband is back home from his business jaunt to Europe, and look what the cat dragged in:

(Also, he brought back two Mars bars, of which I already devoured one.) I am so proud of him for liberating the bear from his servitude as a hotel pimp! Theo is a little jealous, but like any older sibling, he will get used to the new addition.

Speaking of new family members, I offer a hearty mazel tov to my friends Rachel and Jenny and welcome their twins to the world! I am very excited for them.

Now I’m just waiting for my mom to arrive. Due to nasty rain, her flight was delayed by over an hour. I’m sure she’ll be exhausted when she finally stumbles through my door. We’ll just sleep in tomorrow morning. Hopefully, Tycho will behave his furry rabbit ass and not make a racket in his litter box so that she can sleep.

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>Stats

February 1st, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in random

>The year is 1/12 (8.4%) over already. For some reason, I find that reassuring.

I have completed four full work weeks (20 work days) already. I missed one (Friday) due to illness.

Thanks to a debacle* that had me spazzing for an hour on Friday while I was supposed to be convalescing, I finally discovered that from 8/1/08 to 11/1/08, I sold 960 copies of my book, Off the Beaten (Subway) Track. I don’t know if that is considered good or not, but I’m pleased anyway. (BIG THANK YOU to all of you nice people who bought a copy or, in some cases, as many as fifteen – which is 1.5% of all sales. I’m lucky to have such supportive friends.)

I called my doctor yesterday to report my ailing condition. He said I should wait at least another 7-10 days before considering antibiotics. I’m at the point where I’m blowing out all the really yellow, thick, sometimes bloody (it’s dry in here) mucus, so I suspect I’ll be better by then.

Today is the second day in a month in which the temperature is expected to go above 35 degrees. (Although it is 30 now, it is supposed to get up to 45.) I have not left the house in 2 days. I’m debating whether I should go to a “porkapalooza” Super Bowl party catered by the infamous chow hound restaurant Momofuku or continue my self-imposed house arrest.

Regardless, happy first day of February and enjoy the 32nd day of 2009!

*Oh, the debacle is that my publisher is out of business. My agent received a letter on Jan. 30 that was dated Dec. 24 and had been sent to the wrong address informing us that most of the catalog was sold to another publisher, they didn’t pick up my book. Hence, all copies were now remaindered (i.e. – unavailable for distribution) and my contract granted the rights back to me and the option to purchase them for $1.88 per copy to find a new distributor. FREAK OUT!!! I didn’t even know how many copies sold. (And I still don’t know how many were printed.) An hour later, my agent called back. He tracked the publisher down and was told “to disregard the letter. That deal fell through, and we sold the catalog to another company, which did pick up Susan’s [sic] book.” My heart began beating at a more regular pace again.

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