Posts Tagged ‘epiphanies’

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>A Revelation on this Historic Date, 09/09/09

September 9th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

>Just as on 08/08/08, 07/07/07, 06/06/06, and so forth, I expect nothing epic to happen today. However, I did pass a fruit and veggie vendor on the street who sold figs for the rock bottom price of $2.50 per box. The grocery store a few blocks away is $3.99 a box, at best. I bought two.

As I inhaled the unwashed fruit while walking home, I realized that the perfect meal is figs that are overripe, almost to the point of rotting, and blue cheese. I could eat that every day. Unfortunately, figs do not start with the letter “c.” A few years ago while bored, I calculated that if I could only eat foods that begin with one letter, “c” was the best option. It includes chocolate, cake, cookies, cheese, and a host of other things that I enjoy. (I think “s” was a close runner-up.)

My 09/09/09 revelation about figs throws everything into question. My only hope is cheating, as Calimyrna figs start with “c,” but really, my love is Black Mission figs. So it goes. At least I can eat the Calimyrna figs with cheese.

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>Invisible Stigmata*

September 3rd, 2009 by Suzanne | 1 Comment | Filed in random

>During class last night, I spaced out a bit while the very intellectual professor recited a history of first person narratives from Roman times to today. What made me think about St. Catherine of Sienna is beyond me. The mind works in mysterious ways.

Maybe the mention of ancient Rome caused Maurice, the hamster who runs on the wheel that powers my brain, think of Italy, which I first visited in January 1996 as part of a scholarship program at NYU. We took a day trip to Sienna from Florence, and visited a church which had St. Catherine’s finger on display. (Now that I think about it, this may have been the start of my obsession with relics.) Our guide explained to us that Catherine’s family wanted to marry her off to some guy but that she had pledged herself to Christ (sort of a feminist act, right?), and did not want to break her vows. Suddenly, she developed stigmata that only she could see. Obviously, this was a sign from above that she should not wed a mortal man, and her family shipped her off to a convent instead.

Far be it from me to suggest that Catherine invented the “invisible stigmata” to get what she wanted; that would have been very clever. I suspect that she became hysterical (and I think we were also told that she was locked into her room without food until she agreed to marry the dude), and these conditions likely made her hallucinate the stigmata. Since no one was on her brain hamster’s wavelength, the bloody punctures were invisible to everyone but Catherine. I wonder if they really believed she had invisible stigmata, or if they just agreed that she did to shut her up. Interesting.

*I blogged a bit about the invisible stigmata in June 2007, when I saw her cloak in Milan.

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>American as Apple Pie

August 17th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, evil, What is wrong with people?

>Until this morning, I struggled to understand why so many (white) Americans are seething about the plan to offer health care benefits to all Americans. I thought about a photo, showing an older white man screaming at Sen. Arlen Specter (who looked like he just ate something that left a very bad taste in his mouth, which cracked me up, but that’s another point) that ran last week on the cover of The New York Times. The enraged man shouted, “One day, God is going to stand before you and he’s going to judge you!”

This morning, however, when I looked at a NYT headline that announced that the public option would likely be dropped from whatever plan passes, Maurice (the hamster who runs on the wheel that powers my brain), dropped the seed he was eating and jumped on his wheel. Really, is not America founded on the idea that some people have rights, and they will protect those rights and do everything they can to prevent others from obtaining them? Those self-righteous colonists, shouting at King George, were essentially the same angry white men who then turned around and made sure that women, people of color, and white men without property could not vote or hold public office. In addition, a good portion of the public could not go to school, work in certain fields, marry who they pleased, observe their religion without being harassed, or in the most extreme cases, be considered human beings. They said Jews could not serve in the Continental Army (although they were happy to get Jewish money to pay for it, while insisting that Jews were unpatriotic for not serving in the army). Etc, etc.

The real problem with America is that it is utterly un-American to believe that all people are equal. When people fight to preserve a system that benefits only a few at the expense of others, they are upholding the true American way. There may be better opportunity here for people than in many other places in the world, but really, that’s just saying how truly awful many places in the world are. And how wonderful it is that there are so many un-American Americans who want to extend rights and freedoms to all.

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>The Gift of Fear

July 31st, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in mortification, random

>One of the discussions I attended at BlogHer was about understanding your audience. (Obligatory self-deprecating joke here: Since I sat next to Maren at the panel, I had direct access to understanding what approximately 25% of my audience enjoys about CUSS.) I asked Twanna Hines from Funky Brown Chick about how she deals with creepy readers, and she recommended a book called, “The Gift of Fear,” which basically advocates for listening to your gut instincts when assessing potential threats.

I have yet to check the book out (I’m still working my way through “The Liar’s Club,” which reminds me that I should update the quote about Republicans that I paraphrased on Wednesday), but it became relevant on Tuesday during a subway ride. As usual, I sat on the train, spacing out. A slightly homeless-looking guy got on the train a few stops before mine and plopped down next to me. I paid no attention.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him fidgeting. I turned my head slightly. He was manhandling a pair of scissors and the corners of his mouth were turned up into a strange grin. Maurice (the hamster who runs on the wheel that powers my brain) went ballistic, and thoughts shot through my head:
-OH MY GOD! Those scissors look sharp.
-I should move. He could stab me, and my reflexes are very slow.
-If I get up to move, will it enrage him, thus encouraging him to stab me?
-Maybe I should sit really still.
-No, you should move. ASAP.

I stood up and glided toward the door. He didn’t look up. I breathed a sigh of relief, but continued observing him from afar. At the next stop, I changed cars. As far as I know, he didn’t subsequently stab anyone, but better safe than sorry.

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>More to Love

July 14th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Damn, hilarity, random

>While I was at my parents’ house two weeks ago, I found this photo of Husband and me from 1996 or 1997:

Here we are in July 2009:

There was a hell of a lot more of us to love back then. It is also nice to see that while we are almost entirely different people, not much has changed in my parents’ kitchen.

(Thanks to everyone for the advice on photo editing software! I tried Piknik, Picasa, and Paint, and Paint was exactly what I needed to semi-disguise Husband. (I probably didn’t block enough of his face out, but it would ruin the point of the picture if I blocked everything.)

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>The Best Seat in the House

July 10th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in random

>I realized that at the end of our renovation project, the bathroom will easily be the nicest room in our apartment. That makes the toilet – smiley face lid and all – officially the best seat in the house! Which makes me want to install a small flat panel TV on the wall opposite the throne, right behind the door. How awesome would that be?!?!

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Since I was frantically trying to find an outfit to the wedding I went to yesterday that didn’t make me look matronly, I didn’t have a chance to look into the photo editing software that everyone has thus far recommended. I hope to do that this afternoon. A bif thanks for the great suggestions!

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>The Stressed Out Tante

May 13th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

>Between the unexpected early arrival of my adorable nephew, school wrapping up for the year, and my job implosion, things have been rather hectic lately. While I am very happy that my nephew is here and healthy, the other things thrill me significantly less. I realized that the only thing worse than a job that goes awry is not having a job at all. I sort of figured this out last semester, but it is really hitting home now. I can’t say that I like working in general, but I definitely enjoy being employed and feeling like a productive member of society. I forget how closely my sense of self-worth is tied to my work. Bah.

On a more positive note, I just love this picture of me and Marcus:


On Friday, I am flying into Chicago, seeing my friend, her partner, and their kids (an almost four year old and two month old twins), then my parents are picking me for for a roadtrip to Iowa with Bubbe. Fortunately, Dana’s friend from high school will also be with us, so I think Bubbe will tone it down a bit.

The reason for the return trip to Iowa? Dana’s baby shower is on Saturday, and Marcus will be the guest of honor. I can’t wait!

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>It Only Looks Alarming

May 8th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in mortification

>”I need to burp Marcus,” Dana said before she did this:

I had no idea that burping a newborn looked like you were strangling it. “Wow, I hope that the child welfare authorities never see you do this,” I exclaimed.

Although it does look like he is being murdered, and the picture is blurry, I sort of like it because you can really see his little face and how much he looks like my sister.

And that’s it for the baby pictures for now.

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>Three Cheers for Maurice

April 10th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Damn, writing

>Frankly, I’m in deep shit. I think that working full-time, attending a full-time master’s program in creative writing, drafting two posts a week for BlogHer, serving on the Board of a nonprofit child care center that has real estate issues, attempting healthy-ish lifestyle through exercise, and continuing to have relationships with friends and family (which I am failing at miserably in some cases) is maybe more than I can handle. For the last two weeks, I’ve been exhausted constantly.

It’s not just me who needs a break. Maurice, the hamster who runs on the wheel that powers my brain, is on strike. At first I was mad at his furry ass for not keeping up, thus resulting in me making big mistakes like handing in the same story twice (written in two different ways, since I didn’t remember writing it in the first place) or smaller errors like when I called Oedipus Odysseus in yesterday’s blog post. Now I realize that the little dude is just overworked.

Maurice and I used to take breaks to read friends’ blogs or watch mindless TV. These days, I need to think for more hours, whether to learn about the nuances of Obama’s foreclosure prevention plan or to answer questions about a book I read for class, and poor little Maurice runs nonstop from when I wake up until I go to sleep. That’s a lot for any brain hamster, let alone a 33 year old one. So I want to thank him publicly for hanging in there. (Thanks Maurice!)

I need to take a hard look at everything that’s on my plate. I know what I want to cut, but Husband is not on board with that plan. If only I could write a book and sell it for six-figures, like, say fucking Meghan McCain,* that would solve everything. Uh, right….

*Love Jossip’s suggested title about Ann Coulter, as does Maurice.

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>Now That’s Talent

April 9th, 2009 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in random

>As the express train raced through the subway tunnel this morning, I watched the Canal Street station pass by in a choppy blur. Then I turned my attention to my fellow commuters. A woman with dyed blond hair applied thick black lines with a sharp eyeliner pencil to her lower lid, monitoring her progress in a hand mirror. Satisfied, she capped the pencil, dropped it in her bag, and pulled out mascara. Done with that, eyebrow liner emerged.

I was impressed. I can barely apply eyeliner and mascara evenly when I standing on solid ground. If I were on a bumpy train, no doubt I’d poke my eyes out. I’d then be forced, a la Odysseus Oedipus,* to wonder the streets of Manhattan with my eyes tangled in my beard. OK, my beard is not yet that bushy, but if I don’t keep up with the plucking, it could be.

Actually, that’s one thing I probably am talented enough to pull off – plucking chin hairs on a subway train. Yeah, I’m bragging.

*Thanks, Rebecca. That’s what I meant. Stupid Maurice (the hamster who runs on the wheel that powers my brain) let me down again!!!

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