Posts Tagged ‘Asshole idiots’

« Older Entries

New York Stories

March 23rd, 2010 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Uncategorized

Three separate New York-y stories in the New York Times caught my attention today. The first warmed the cuckolds of my dark little heart. The second reminded my why my little heart is dark. The third made my head explode.

The heart warmer came from yesterday. A diamond dealer who fled from Belgium to New York with this family in 1946 befriended an Indian newsstand vendor who came to the US from India 20 years ago. Every Sunday morning, the diamond dealer brings the newsstand vendor breakfast and mans the newsstand while the vendor takes a bathroom break. Their affection for one another was lovely. Neighbors appreciating what the other does and helping out is just awesome.

On the flip side, we have the story about JetBlue. JetBlue is the only airline with a headquarters in Queens. Although they claim to love New York, the company threatened to move to Orlando, where the government fell over themselves to build them a new HQ and give them all sorts of tax perks. New York City then fell all over itself to give them $30 million in perks to stay. One concession is to let them use the iconic “I♥NY” logo on their planes. Now that the taxpayers of NYC are pitching in so JetBlue can show their love, the company noted that they also save $75 million by not moving.* Thanks.

Finally, I discovered that my alma mater, NYU, plans to destroy Greenwich Village and other parts of the city by expanding their campus by 40% and creating superblocks of NYU facilities. I will say one thing: the reason I wanted to go to NYU was because it was so integrated into the city. If I fucking wanted a regular college campus, I’d have gone elsewhere. Why do they have to ruin the city by turning it into NYU? Gah!

*This whole thing is emblematic of the severe public policy problems posed by one state/municipality luring business out of another. It’s just a race to the bottom for which area can most enrich the private corporation and the taxpayers lose. Bah!

Tags: , , , , ,

It’s Here!

March 16th, 2010 by Suzanne | 1 Comment | Filed in Uncategorized

The Census form arrived yesterday! I am very excited. Instead of working on my thesis, I am going to fill it out tonight. After all, it says in block letters on the envelope that it is required by law to return the Census. Am I a law breaker?* No I am not!

Besides, it is very important to be counted. Every day when I read the news, I despair at the state of the nation. Texas just re-wrote standards for all textbooks to emphasize the importance of Phyllis Schlafly; drop Thomas Jefferson because he wrote that church and state should be separate; and remind people that women and people of color got the right to vote because white males were kind enough to let them. Seriously. A dentist/”historical expert” on the committee that rammed through this abhorrent crap challenged people to show him where the Constitution calls for a separation of church and state. (He said he’d donate $1,000 to a charity of choice of anyone who can “prove” that this concept exists. Yeah, and he’ll sooner believe “evidence” that dinosaurs and Jesus played together as children while unicorns swarm in rivers of chocolate.)

Blah. The point is, I want to be counted because I know damn well that evil people who believe that the US is a Christian nation are going to be counted. I didn’t open my Census form last night, but I’m pretty sure that the Census does not ask about religion. I’m bummed about that because even though America is predominantly Christian, it would be nice to know how many people aren’t so we can be sure to protect everyone’s rights. Husband always says that we should be ready to flee at a moment’s notice. I used to think he was insane (“This is America!” I’d tell him), but history has shown that even the stablest democracies can turn, and of course, Jews have been kicked out of pretty much everywhere except North America (not that Peter Stuyvesant didn’t try really hard), so we’re probably due someday.

Um, yeah. Anyway. This sure turned into a downer, huh? No one is going to hire me to write ads for the Census if I keep this negativity up, so… The Census is here! Rah rah! Don’t forget to get represented! YOU matter! Woo!

*Well, if I could steal my political adversaries’ Census forms, I totally would. That’s the kind of bad ass law breaker I am. Except that I’m not, because that would be wrong. Sigh.

Tags: , , , , , , ,

International Women’s Day Was Yesterday

March 9th, 2010 by Suzanne | 2 Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, hilarity, random, What is wrong with people?

>Basically, I have no idea what is going on outside of my little sphere of work and thesis writing. I thought today was March 8th, which is International Women’s Day, and was all excited to write about it. I understand now that March 8th was actually yesterday. I’m going to say some shit anyway.

I wrote a post for BlogHer about 30 Woman Making History, a campaign by the Woman’s Media Center to highlight, yes, 30 women making history while also raising some dough to employ women to write about news and politics. Good idea. I picked five women that I thought were making history (Shada [Shatha] Nasser, Eveline Shen, Sindiwe Magona, Shirley Rodriguez Remeneski, and Alysa Stanton). Links for more info on each awesome woman is in my post at BlogHer if you want to know more, and yes, that’s my way of getting people to click over there. Whatever.

Today I read a post over at another awesome woman’s blog, Suebob’s Red Stapler. She quoted a not awesome woman blogger who said that equality is stupid because it is about fairness and we all know that life isn’t fair. “Fuck that!” was essentially Suebob’s reaction, echoed by all the excellent people who left comments on it.

One comment in particular stood out: “Vagina’s are wasted on some people I swear.” This was written by Thordora, who totally made my day.

And now, back to my day.

Tags: , , , , ,

Another Disturbing Ripple in My Universe

March 4th, 2010 by Suzanne | 8 Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, Damn, fuck, Jewishness, mortification, What is wrong with people?

>My mother and I are planning a trip to Warsaw in mid-June. We will visit the Jewish cemetery and try to find my great-grandfather’s grave. (He died before the war, so he probably is lucky enough to have a burial place unlike my grandfather’s sisters and mother.) We will see the few remnants of the wall of the Warsaw ghetto. We will visit the Jewish Historical Institute. We will do a records search. We will pass by the address where my grandfather’s family owned a butcher shop and/or lived.

We will also go to Treblinka.

I always assumed that my grandfather’s family died in Auschwitz, if they even lived to be deported from the ghetto. But, one of the dangers of Holocaust hagiography is that the fame of Auschwitz dwarfs reality. Deportations began in 1942, and when Warsaw’s ghetto was liquidated in the spring of 1943, everyone left was sent to Treblinka, 2 hours outside of Warsaw in an isolated forest. There was no work at Treblinka. People died within an hour of their arrival.

Husband has a friend who lives in Warsaw who is very kindly helping me arrange my trip. He sent me a link to the Treblinka Museum. One of the things that fascinated me when I first learned about the Treblinka site is how noncommercial it is. Auschwitz, to me, is tourist attraction at this point. Tour groups go, people gape at the convent built on site, they exclaim over the signs proclaiming how much the Poles suffered* because it was initially built for Polish political prisoners. Treblinka was completely destroyed by the Nazis, so there’s nothing “fun” to see. It is a sober monument to the 800,000 Jews and thousands of Gypsies and Romani murdered there.

Anyway, as I read the museum’s website, I was taken aback by this statement:

The memorial should be visited with due seriousness and respect.
Within the area of the museum it is forbidden to bring dogs, smoke or eat ice cream.

Damn, I can’t eat ice cream there? Well, I guess I’ll have to pack ham and cheese pierogies and chocolate kolacky.

I hope that this was a translation error and in Polish it says, “no eating.” Otherwise, WHAT THE FUCK? How weird is the focus on ice cream? Even weirder, it reminds me of a fucked up Hasidic monument I visited in Israel:

I mean, they are not the same thing, but the utter randomness of what is forbidden strikes me as similar. (In case the photo does not appear, it is a sign that says that it is forbidden for women to dance at this site.)

Anyway, it is going to be an intense trip. I believe we will also take a trip to Krakow, as Husband’s friend recommended.

*Oh yeah, and some Jews, gypsies, and homosexuals died there, too. But whatever. (This is written in the vein of signage at Auschwitz, so pardon my bitter glibness.)

Tags: , , , , , ,

Heaping Piles of Seething Rage of Steaming Anger

February 25th, 2010 by Suzanne | 7 Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, hilarity, What is wrong with people?

>Two years ago, my friend Sara and I were interviewed for documentary on abortion. I even put on make up and shit so that I would not look like a fetus-eating zombie on film, hence making the pro-choice side of what we were assured was a “balanced” look at the abortion debate look bad. Nope. I wanted to represent!

I never heard back from the motherfuckers. Not even, “Thanks Suzanne. It was nice of you to take time out to help us make a shitty documentary that no one will see.” So when I discovered that the filmmakers actually did come up with something – and it is a scripted “dramamentary” about abortion in which the pretty blond white girl is treated like shit by nasty nurses in an abortion clinic and thus of course have her baby and all is good and – deep breath; this is an angry run on sentence/rant, sorry – the black girl who is raped and comes to NYC to have her abortion is saved by the nice white woman who hosts her through the Haven Coalition (which I was, at the time I was interviewed, the co-head of), I was mad fucking pissed. These douches could at least have had the courtesy to email me and let me know their shitty “unbiased” film (featuring a really cuddly 22 week old fetus in utero) that I helped them with was coming out. Or at least a “Lifetime”-esque trailer that befits a solid piece of filmmaking such as this was online for my viewing pleasure.

Oh. And I did I mention that this “balanced” film is executive produced by the guy who made that other even-keeled movie, Passion of the Christ, and the awesome Ben Stein movie about how “science” teachers who want to teach that evolution is all a lie are persecuted by baby- and Christ-killing Jews like me? Right. (CORRECTION: “The Passion of the Christ” guy is the one marketing this balanced film, although the exec producer is a right winger, too – “Hollywood’s Most Powerful Christian,” according to Christianity Today magazine. My bad.)

Of course, some of the documentary footage that these tools shot is in the film. (Hence the “-umentary” part.) The pro-choice people, according to the “LA Times,” all get to say things like how fetuses are nothing more than parasites (which, sorta, is true, but unlike digestive parasites which make women thin, fetus ones make them fat – ewwwwww). I’m assuming (hoping and praying) that I didn’t make the cut, but since this doesn’t appear to be available to pro-choice audiences, I may never know. I think it’s unlikely that I’m in it, since I said that people who supposedly are “pro-life” have killed a lot of actual people, and that they really scare me. Seems like something that a “balanced” film would not want to highlight.

Tags: , , , ,

The Tipping Point

February 25th, 2010 by Suzanne | 12 Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, Damn, fuck, What is wrong with people?

>One of my former bosses told me that she always knows who has had restaurant experience when she goes out with a group of people based on how much they tip. She said that people who’ve never worked in the food service industry generally give tips of up to 15%, but people who have worked tables give closer to 20%. I am fortunate enough to have been able to go through life thus far without waitressing (I guarantee that I would be awful*), but I tip 20% unless service was utterly abysmal (i.e. – the staff was actually rude to me). My ex-boss said I am an exception.

I find that in NYC, most people are calculate tips in one of two ways: they double the tax (which is 8.75%) or they give 20% of the subtotal. Either way seems right to me. The minimum wage in the restaurant industry in NYS is $4.60. In theory, if staff do not earn enough tips to average them out to $7.15 an hour, the restaurant must cough up the extra dough. But how likely is that? Not very.

I rant about this now because I have gone out with some people a few times who consistently refuse to acknowledge that they have to pay tax and tip. It is so bad that I’ve actually pulled out a calculator to show how their $15 entree is really over $19 when you add tax ($1.31) and tip ($3), so putting in $20 is fair. Even after this, people have argued with me that they overpaid.

Not everyone is good at math. I understand that. I’m no math genius myself. But when I fucking run through the numbers and explain them, and my co-diner still doesn’t want to pay his fair share, I am going to be very angry. Because I’m not going to short restaurant staff because my companion is too fucking cheap to pay what he owes, I get stuck paying for it. And it adds up over time. Eventually I just focus on how the person is going to screw me or someone at the end of the meal, and I don’t enjoy myself. It makes me not inclined to dine out with certain individuals any more.

*Maurice, the hamster who runs on the wheel that powers my brain, would never be able to keep up with all the orders and I’d always forget to bring people drinks or who ordered what and all that.

Tags: , , , ,

The Jamie Kennedy Experience

February 9th, 2010 by Suzanne | 1 Comment | Filed in Asshole idiots, hilarity, random

>This story was told to me by Husband and Brother-in-Law. Although I have never done illegal drugs, nor have I ever even been drunk, I do not remember this incident at all.

In 2007, Husband, Brother-in-Law, and I went to see a documentary at the Tribeca Film Festival about stand up comedy. The film was done by the comic and actor Jamie Kennedy, who wanted to know why people don’t find certain brands of humor funny. The first half of Heckler included many famous comedians talking about hecklers. The second part of the movie, however, focused on why critics hated Kennedy’s movie, Malibu’s Most Wanted. He hunted down critics and badgered them, insisting that they just didn’t get it. (Husband said it was the worst movie he’s ever seen at the Tribeca Film Festival, and I’m sure I hated it, but of course, I don’t remember.)

Usually screenings at the Festival are packed. This one had only about ten people. Still, Jamie Kennedy came out after the movie to talk about it. Once Husband mentioned this part to me, I did recall that Kennedy was wasted on something. He heckled the audience. At one point, he asked us a question about what we find funny and why, and I made the mistake of raising my hand to answer it.

He did not like my response, whatever it was, and yelled at me. I yelled back at him. Apparently, we argued loudly for some time. Husband and Brother-in-Law found this hilarious.

I wish I could remember when I got into a verbal slam down with Jamie Kennedy.

Tags: , , ,

Things I Do Not Understand, Part 794A

February 1st, 2010 by Suzanne | 6 Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, mortification, What is wrong with people?

>1. The YIVO Institute has the records of American Displaced Persons Camps in Austria, Germany in Italy from 1945-1952. Since my grandparents and father lived in camps in Austria during that time period, I am eager to see what is in the archive. YIVO is conveniently open Monday-Thursday from 9:30 am to 5 pm. However, the reading room is open until 7:30 on Mondays. I called and asked until what time the library was open today and was told 7:30. After work, I rushed down to get as much time as possible with the records.

After passing through the metal detector and sending my bag through the x-ray machine, using the mandatory coat check, and providing photo ID, I took the freezing elevator to the library and reading room on the 3rd floor. The woman at the information desk informed me that since YIVO closed at 5:00, I could not get the records I wanted. I am extremely confused as to why a reading room is open when the records that one is supposed to read in that room are unavailable, but there were people in there using computers and looking over books from somewhere, so what do I know.

2. On the subway home from my failed trip to YIVO, a woman rushed onto the train with a stroller and four or five year old girl in tow. After mowing people down to get the stroller in the middle of the car, she wedged herself in the small space between me and the extremely large man on the other side. She struggled to pull her daughter onto her lap.

“Excuse me,” I said. “Would your little girl like to sit down?” I gestured at my seat and moved slightly to get up.

“I HAVE TWO KIDS WITH ME AND I NEED TO SIT,” she yelled in my face. That is when I realized that she had earphones on. They were blasting music. Not only could she not hear me, but if her kids needed something, they were shit out of luck.

Resisting the urge to slap her, I tried again. “Yes, I see that you should sit. Would your daughter like to sit also?”

“DIDN’T YOU HEAR ME? I SAID I GOTTA SIT DOWN BECAUSE I GOT TWO KIDS WITH ME!” One of the earphones slid out of her ear slightly when she pulled her daughter up higher.

“Yes, I heard you,” I sneered. “But I am asking if your girl would like my seat.” At that, I stood up and tried to wiggle around the stroller to get away from this cuntface.

“Oh, naw. She’ll just sit on my lap.”

Since there was really no standing room, I sat back down. The woman standing in front of me who witnessed the whole scene sighed. “Yeah, no good deed goes unpunished,” I said.

“She’s probably just used to people being rude,” the stranger replied. The woman, of course, could not hear a word anyone was saying. The stranger was very kind, and chatted up the little girl about Valentine’s Day. For all the mother knew, she was soliciting the kid. When she got off the train, the little girl kept waving and saying, “Bye bye. Have a good night.”

It broke my heart. I know that there are times when parents don’t want to hear their kids, but the girl kept trying to talk to her mom, who just nodded, unhearing. So awful.

Tags: , , ,

Join Today!

January 31st, 2010 by Suzanne | 6 Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, hilarity, What is wrong with people?

>
Anyone who is 50 or older, whether they are working or retired, can join AARP for $16 per year. I know this because they sent me a membership card and requested that I send them my $16 check immediately to activate my exciting benefits as an AARP member.

I will say one thing: I look damn good for someone who is 50 or older.

Tags: , , ,

I Don’t Even Know What to Title This

January 19th, 2010 by Suzanne | 6 Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, Damn, fuck, mortification

>Granny is mostly OK. Sunday the cardiac doc came to discuss her options. Her blood work indicated that she had a very small heart attack, so he wanted to do an angiogram. Depending on what he saw, he would insert balloons or stents into her arteries. Everyone agreed that because she needs oral surgery soon, he would use nonmedicated stents because the medicated ones would basically cause her to bleed out if she had dental work.

On Monday morning, the doctor told us that the test went well. He said that her heart was strong and that there was no damage from the heart attack. Then he said he saw a lot of heart disease and inserted a balloon and two medicated stents.

My mom and I recoiled. “What do you mean medicated stents?” she asked.

“Oh. Ooops. I forgot. I even wrote it on the board and I forgot. Sorry about that.”

Yes, that is actually what he said. “Ooops… sorry about that.”

“What about the oral surgery?” my mom asked. She was trying not to punch him. (She later told me that she was more angry about his flippant tone than the fuck up, not that she condoned the fuck up.)

“Oh, she’ll have to wait at least six months, but I really recommend a year,” he said as if it’s no big deal to have a mouth full of rotting teeth. “Maybe you can find a dentist who would be willing to do a procedure while she’s on Plavix.”

I pictured some back alley dentist ripping up my Granny mouth and leaving her to bleed out when things went awry. I wanted to slap the doctor. (Husband suggested slapping the doctor – with a lawsuit.) I know it could be worse, but this really, really sucks.

Tags: , , ,

« Older Entries