Archive for the ‘unshaved snatch’ Category

The Notebook

December 11th, 2011 by Suzanne | 5 Comments | Filed in Damn, hilarity, random, those were the days, unshaved snatch

While I was at my parents’ house, I dug through a storage box of papers that I have in my room. When the folks were visiting me in NYC at the end of October, they regaled my friend with an (embarrassing) tale of a one-woman protest I staged at Marshall Field’s department store when I was in high school. (I had read about the terrible attitude the founders of Guess? jeans had toward women in Backlash, and I thought women should stop buying their clothes. I was escorted out, politely, by security.) My friend thought this was great (i.e. – hilarious), so I wondered if I might find one of the fliers I had made up so he could continue to be amused by me.

Instead, I found a notebook that I had to keep for a few months as part of my AP Political Science class. The first entry is Jan. 31, 1994, and it runs through April 22. Everything I wrote almost 18 years ago is a topic that I subsequently wrote about on my blog (minus the unshaved snatch stuff, but I would have if it was an issue back then, I bet): abortion rights, income inequality, my hatred of Republican shenanigans, education, Jewishness, genocide, the pressure for women to be thin, etc. I swore a lot. I made little jokes.

On one hand, it is cool to see that I was so passionate and sort of advanced at a young age. On the other, I realized that I have not changed much in 18 years. That’s disturbing. Here’s a good sample:

America: Land of the Free or the Hypocrites?

March 31

I tell you, the more I learn about this country, the more I hate it. All we are is a bunch of hypocrites. “Equal opportunities for all!” “Land of the free!” “With liberty and justice for all.” BULLSHIT! I watch the news, I read, I observe. Very rarely do I find these notions of “democracy” actually in operation. Usually, I see the oligarchy that really runs this country paying lip-service to it.

I was talking to my mom about how disillusioned I am and how I can’t stand living here, and she said that compared to other countries, the US is a heaven. I said that I know that, but I can’t stand living in the Land of the Hypocrites. Whenever I see some patriotic themed thing, I feel sick to my stomach. It is just a lie.

My mom said that no place is perfect. She said she was worried because of how bitter I already am at such a young age. She told me that I was searching for a utopia and asked me if I was too idealistic. I suppose I am. She told me that idealism is good, and it’s how good change is brought about, but when it makes you bitter, it can be very bad. I have that bad mixture in me of idealism and realism. I know how I want it to be (how it should be), but I also know that the powers that be will never, ever let it happen. Hence, I am bitter.

The way America is moving today, with such a gap between the wealthy and poor ever widening, I hope that the discontented masses will rise up and end our past injustices. Oppression must end, in one way or another, and I’m curious to see how it will happen.

Seriously. I wrote this about one month after my 18th birthday, but I will bet that there are at least five posts on this same theme on CUSS. In fact, these are so freakin’ topical that I will be posting them up on CUSS over the next few weeks (months?).

It’s Time

January 17th, 2011 by Suzanne | 8 Comments | Filed in random, those were the days, unshaved snatch, writing

Five years ago when I started blogging, the Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (CUSS) & Other Rants was the perfect title for my efforts. I wanted the space to share my sometimes offensive, sometimes outrageous, sometimes obnoxious thoughts on the ridiculous standards and pressures that people face in the US these days. The title was a grab for attention in a crowded field of blogger blogs. I thought that the only people who would ever want to link to it would not be deterred by the title.

Over time, however, I turned down opportunities to participate in various blog activities because the parties behind the show wanted me to drop the “Campaign for Unshaved Snatch” part of the title. I understood their concerns, but declined to do so. It didn’t matter to me that CUSS wasn’t syndicated or part of an ad network. The blog was what it was.

This past week, though, I realized that my post on blood libel and Sarah Palin had potential to go further, but that the blog title probably discouraged people from reading it. (Maybe.) Whether that was true or not, I really haven’t written about bikini waxing in a long time. I still find it vile on a personal level, but unless some new terrible trend pops up, I said what I needed to say. My posts have been so much more about family, Judaism, politics, racism, and yes, other rants these days.

It’s time to retire the original, full title. Oh, I’ll still use my logo and sticker (which I adore), but I’ll just be CUSS. (I’ll still swear, so the CUSS part is relevant.) I may or may not reapply to the ad network that rejected the application they solicited from me years ago. I’ll continue exploring in short posts what bothers or excites me, what I hate and what I love, who I hate and who I love, and hopefully even continue to improve the quality of the writing on the site. Some posts will be sad, some funny (I hope), some obnoxious, and some outrageous. The day I begin to bore myself (and/or the people kind enough to read CUSS) is the day I’ll call it quits. Hopefully that is a long time from now, though.

In Which I Defend… Christine O’Donnell?

October 29th, 2010 by Suzanne | 8 Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, evil, other rants, unshaved snatch, What is wrong with people?

For ages, I have despised that stupid feminist bumper sticker credo, “Elect women for a change.” Women are not a monolithic body with the exact same views and opinions. As is clearly illustrated in many electoral races, women are as bad – if not worse – conservative reactionaries as men. I would rather elect 100 Bernie Sanderses or Dick Durbins (I love Dick Durbin!) than one Elizabeth Dole, Sarah Palin, Carole Mosley Braun (the lady broke.my.heart) or Kay Bailey Hutchinson. As for Sharron Angle (really, isn’t on “r” enough?) and Christine O’Donnell, I think they are terrifying jokes on America, or some sort of divine intervention to show how we have lost our way on the path to a decent society.

Hence I did not think it would ever be possible to write something with a positive association to Christine O’Donnell. Gawker.com, however, has forced me into the morally reprehensible position in which I have to feel bad for her. In a “story” they posted about how she made out with a younger guy while she was drunk (yawn), the brave anonymous person who bared his soul shared this trauma;

When her underwear came off, I immediately noticed that the waxing trend had completely passed her by. Obviously, that was a big turnoff, and I quickly lost interest.

Yes, OBVIOUSLY heathens like Christine O’Donnell who don’t maintain their crotches based on trends are “big turnoff”s. Terrible! I mean, how dare she! To think that she thought it would be OK to look like, I don’t know, herself! Really utterly disgusting. Right? Seriously.

Now I am in the awful position in which a) I feel bad for O’Donnell and b) she might become the poster girl for the Campaign for Unshaved Snatch (a campaign she could – and maybe should – win rather than a Senate campaign, but whatever). No! This is just wrong. The world is wrong. As Tevye says, “If God want to punish a person, he takes away his good sense.”

I’m not sure what I did to deserve this.

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Fur

August 27th, 2010 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in bad puns, unshaved snatch

Years ago, I decided that if I had pursued a different path in life and went to med school (my father always wanted a doctor) rather than dropping out of law school on the third day (my father always wanted a lawyer) and then attending grad school for public policy and then working for ten years and then attending grad school for creative writing, I would have become a gynecologist. Women’s health interests me and there is a need for doctors who are willing to do abortions. Probably my lack of early interest in science and math is a good thing, as I would have tried to open a practice and name it Cooter’s Garage. I could have made all sorts of jokes about checking under the hood and changing the oil and fine tuning the engine. However, Cooter’s Garage would not do custom detailing. We’d like our cars with floor mats.

After I visited my doctor today, who is an excellent health care provider and Mets fan, I took Tycho to the vet. Unlike me, he is having trouble maintaining himself and his fur is rather messy. The vet thinks that he has arthritis and can’t bend around to lick himself properly. (I don’t have arthritis, but I can’t do that either, nor would I want to.) She shaved his nether regions to help. He is not a happy rabbit right now. I definitely feel for him. I guess sometimes it makes a lot more sense to go furless.

And yes, I realize that the previous two paragraphs were not entirely related to one another, but sometimes I like a vague theme.

Canadian Beaver: Unshaved Snatch in the Streets of Montreal!!!

July 7th, 2010 by Suzanne | 3 Comments | Filed in fun trips, hilarity, unshaved snatch

This art was in the window of a hippie cafe/boutique/gallery on a run down section of Blvd. St. Laurent:
IMG_2027

Here’s a detail shot of Justine:
A Beaver in Montreal

Right before I noticed the board of unshaved snatch accented by tampons, I had told Husband that this place was exactly the type of dirty establishment I would have liked to frequent in my rebellious teen years. Despite my delight over the display of recreated unshaved snatch, I couldn’t bring myself to go inside. Nothing says shopping for Tibetan wind sockets and vegan carrot cake like pubic hair in the window.

Flies and Dead Livestock

March 31st, 2010 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in hilarity, I am a bad person sometimes, I love New York, Jewishness, unshaved snatch

After an encounter with a six legged critter this morning that led to its death, I reflected on the fourth plague that God sent to punish the Egyptians, that of flies. Basically, after Pharaoh reneged on letting the Jews leave once the lice were removed from their crotches, they were followed around by swarms of flies. At that point, I suspect they regretted having the frogs (plague 2) killed off, as the fly population would have been greatly reduced by the presence of hungry frogs. But, too late! Hindsight is 20/20.

(Are flies more disgusting than roaches/water bugs? Both carry disease. Flies eat by first barfing on their food, then gobbling down the barf and whatever it is they want for dinner. That is pretty fucking nasty. Roaches cause horrid asthma attacks. If, perhaps, roaches are really worse than flies (and I think they are), I wonder what modern urban dwellers have done to be so accursed. My buildings – both home and office – are engaged in constant battle with the vile pests. If I only see a roach every few months, it fools me into thinking we are winning the war, but deep down, I know that is not true. Roaches will be the only survivors of a nuclear holocaust. See “Wall-E” for further evidence.)

Of course, the Egyptians hated it when flies swarmed them everywhere (I picture it sort of like Pig Pen, surrounded by a cloud), so Pharaoh said the Jews could take off if the flies were withdrawn. The flies went wherever plagues of flies go when they are called away, but Pharaoh changed his mind again. So God fucked with the cattle, giving them a “grievous murrain“. I kind of feel bad for all the horses, camels, oxen, sheep, and asses that died as a result. What did they have to do with this dispute? Nada. Just innocent victims in a battle of wills. It’s always the bystanders that get screwed the worst, I tell you.

Now we are half way through the ten plagues. Tomorrow, we’ll discuss boils (my favorite!) and hail. I know I’m looking forward to it.