Yesterday, I went down to Springfield [IL] to lobby the legislative about Parental Notification laws. I must say it was a very interesting experience! First, I tried to call Schoenberg out of hearings to talk to him, but he wasn’t on the floor. So, I crossed the hall to the Senate side and met with Sen. Stern. She is a very nice person, and I presented her with a pro-choice calendar from the NARAL Teen Advisory Council to thank her for support. When I later located Schoenberg, I gave him a calendar as well, and he in turn invited me to a conference he is holding about women. Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend.

I also got to meet Penny Severns, who is running for Lt. Governor with Dawn Clark Netsch. She was a very nice person as well. We gave her calendar, too. (Hmmm… you know, these very same calendar are available for purchase… only $6 and I’m in it! Hint, hint, if you’d like one…)

Anyway, after talking with Schoenberg, Stern, and Severns, I went around to other senators’ offices to give out calendars. One interesting thing I found when doing this was a discrepancy between the Democrats’ side and the Republicans’ side. The Dems set up was, in the words of my friend, “communal.” The secretaries sat in clusters and chatted. They were a diverse bunch, representing a range of ethnicities and ages. The Republicans’ side, however, was “like a country club.” They had thick, plush carpeting and luxurious furnishings. What I found scary, though, were the secretaries. EVERY SINGLE ONE was young, white, blond, and had a Southern accent. I could not figure out where all these Southern women came from! Are they imported from Tennessee or something?!? It was really creepy!

I finished off my day of lobbying by making an unscheduled stop in Gov. Edgar’s office. I left a letter to him explaining why he should veto parental notification bills. I was very proud of myself, although I doubt it really will do any good. But, who knows? It’s worth a try!

Oh, one more point of interest. As I sat here writing this entry, I was interrupted by a call from Stern’s office. She told her staff to invite me to a brunch with her and her supporters on Sunday, May 1. I was all excited to go, but then I realized that I’d probably fall asleep in my plate becayse prom is the night before. Oh well! There’ll be lenty more chances in the future.

March 29, 1994

OK, I’ve been bad – I admit it! I just haven’t been keeping up too much on current events outside the high school social circuit. But, if you want to hear any of the latest gossip, I could easily fill you in on many juicy tales!*

At any rate, a couple of weeks ago (I think – maybe it was earlier?), Newsweek had another cover story about Prozac. What scared me about it was the frequency in which it is prescribed, especially by general practitioners. I don’t want to imply that family doctors don’t know what they’re doing, but why are they writing prescriptions that psychiatrists should? What’s the point of having a psychiatrist when you can go to you GP and get a drug to “solve” your problems?

The problem with Prozacmania is manifold. First of all, if one is clinically depressed, he should see someone in addition to taking a drug. That’s why family doctors shouldn’t be giving them out like candy, and those types of doctors can’t help in that way. Second, Prozac will NOT work unless you are depressed because of chemical deficiencies. What happens in depressed people is the tips of the nerves in their brains often become less stunted and less sensitive; they are therefore less able to receive neurological transmissions. Psychiatrists aren’t sure if this imbalance causes depression, or depression causes this imbalance. (The result is the same, so I suppose it doesn’t really matter.) What Prozac does is fix the tips of the nerves so that they can receive impulses and transmissions again. Hence, a Prozac patient is now at a neutral level; he is not happy nor depressed as a result of medication.

People, however, somehow have the idea that Prozac will make them happy all the time. It won’t. All it does is even out the chemicals in the brain. If a person is depressed, not as a result of a chemical imbalance, but just depressed because everyone gets depressed sometimes, Prozac doesn’t help. Besides, Prozac takes about 4 weeks before it can “work.” It also stays in your system for several weeks after you stop taking it.

I can’t understand why so many people love Prozac so much. I used to take Prozac and it did NOTHING for me. As far as I know, I did not have any chemical imbalance but I was depressed because my life sucked. Now, how was a pill supposed to change that? If I wanted a drug to make me happy, I would have used cocaine or marijuana (why aren’t those prescribed?) or something, not Prozac. I’ll tell you what Prozac did do – it helped erase a large part of my short-term memory. While I was on it, I could barely have a coherent conversation with anyone; my mind was completely unfocused, and I tended to ramble from one subject to the next. Even now, almost 2 years later, I can’t remember things that the short term memory is supposed to keep track of.

I just don’t understand why so many people WANT to get on Prozac. I was forced into taking it and eventually just refused to keep taking it when it didn’t help. People are only asking for trouble when they take such strong drugs for no good reason. I urge greater restraint – and more restrictions – in using such a powerful drug.

*My teacher’s comment: “Oh brother!”

March 12, 1994

The primary is in just two days, and I couldn’t be more excited! It’ll be my first time voting, and my mom is going to pick me up from school and then we are going to head out to the voting polls. How exciting!

I am very excited because Dawn Clark Netsch* is in the lead. I feel like I am partially responsible, in a very small way, for this. I did phone banking for Netsch and as I talked to people, I helped familiarize them with Netsch and her ideas. They want me to help out on election day, but I can’t. Too bad – I think it would be fun!

In early February, I tried to get a job in Grace Mary Stern’s** office. On Friday, I got a nice letter from her. She said that she didn’t have the money for a paid campaign worker, but I am more than welcome to join as a volunteer. Unfortunately, I wanted a job as a person on her senate staff, not campaign; she just misunderstood. I’m wondering if I should pursue this. On the other hand, I could try to work with Schoenberg*** or Porter.**** Oh well! I better get crackin’!

*This was the Democratic primary for the race for Illinois governor.
**I have no idea who this is, but I guess a local elected official.
***Schoenberg, until recently, was my parents’ state assembly rep. He retired.
****Porter was our Congressman. He was a moderate Republican. When he retired, a less moderate Republican douche bag named Mark Kirk won his seat by a slim margin. He is still in office and still a douche bag.

March 2, 1994

I am so disappointed and hurt by the psychotic actions of the crazed Dr. Goldstein* in Israel. How can we ever expect to be taken seriously when we complain about terrorism and then we commit the same heinous crimes that we condemn? It is because of people like Dr. Goldstein, extremists, that other people hate Jews. OK, well, maybe not, but we’ll never solve anything by acting the same way as our enemies. It is for that reason that I am glad that Rabbi Kahane** is dead.

It crushes me when a Jewish person commits an act of violence like that. I realize that no race is perfect, but it still makes me embarrassed to be Jewish. It’s really weird because I usually consider myself proud to be Jewish. Over the last few years. I’ve become very aware of my Jewish heritage. In the past, when people would ask me what nationality I am, I’d say Russian and Polish. But recently I’d begun to rethink my position. True, my family came from these countries, but we don’t have any of their customs. In fact, Jews were never considered to be Russian or Polish or whatever nationality, but Jews. They lived in separate towns (willingly or forced), spoke a different language, and had their own culture. They were a nation of people without a nation, scattered around the globe, connected by religion, culture, persecution, and language. Now when I’m asked what my background is, I say Jewish.

The point of all this is that every nationality needs a nation, and that’s why Israel is so important. I don’t want it to lose respect in the eyes of other nations because of some crazy. We have too much to lose. It just really upsets me that we’ve come this close to peace, and now it may be lost.

*This evil person killed 29 Muslim worshippers in Hebron: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baruch_Goldstein
**I spit on his grave: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meir_Kahane

Feb. 9, 1994

I saw on the news yesterday that the Conservative Party in Britain is once again suffering from a sex scandal. All these cabinet guys are being caught with mistresses and prostitutes. Another big honcho was found dead, wearing only a garter belt and tied to the bed posts with nylon stockings.

For some strange reason, I find this very amusing. I guess you can see the slow change from the tradition in this whole sex thing. It used to be that kings, aristocrats, and other noblemen had mistresses. It was common knowledge. They had “illegitimate” children and had houses built to house their mistresses and children. How times have changed! Now, it is NOT acceptable to fool around. A person could get in pretty hot water – no pun intended – politically. This is a pretty good illustration of how Britain has changed over time.

Truthfully, the whole thing just annoys me to no end. Historically, if a man had an affair, all he got was a slap on the wrist. But god forbid a woman should, well, she was forced to wear a scarlet “A” (in America, at least) or put to death in some societies. Now, the whole thing is pretty much a joke. Clinton had an affair, but that doesn’t mean he’s a bad politician. Prince Charles has an affair – who cares? I certainly don’t. Sure, they’re fun to read about, but what someone does in his/her sex life really doesn’t concern me. I have better things to worry about.

On an unrelated topic, today is the BEATLES’ 30th ANNIVERSARY! I just love the Beatles! They certainly impacted American culture! They are my favorite band! Hurrah!

Instead, I found a notebook that I had to keep for a few months as part of my AP Political Science class. The first entry is Jan. 31, 1994, and it runs through April 22. Everything I wrote almost 18 years ago is a topic that I subsequently wrote about on my blog (minus the unshaved snatch stuff, but I would have if it was an issue back then, I bet): abortion rights, income inequality, my hatred of Republican shenanigans, education, Jewishness, genocide, the pressure for women to be thin, etc. I swore a lot. I made little jokes.

On one hand, it is cool to see that I was so passionate and sort of advanced at a young age. On the other, I realized that I have not changed much in 18 years. That’s disturbing. Here’s a good sample:

America: Land of the Free or the Hypocrites?

March 31

I tell you, the more I learn about this country, the more I hate it. All we are is a bunch of hypocrites. “Equal opportunities for all!” “Land of the free!” “With liberty and justice for all.” BULLSHIT! I watch the news, I read, I observe. Very rarely do I find these notions of “democracy” actually in operation. Usually, I see the oligarchy that really runs this country paying lip-service to it.

I was talking to my mom about how disillusioned I am and how I can’t stand living here, and she said that compared to other countries, the US is a heaven. I said that I know that, but I can’t stand living in the Land of the Hypocrites. Whenever I see some patriotic themed thing, I feel sick to my stomach. It is just a lie.

My mom said that no place is perfect. She said she was worried because of how bitter I already am at such a young age. She told me that I was searching for a utopia and asked me if I was too idealistic. I suppose I am. She told me that idealism is good, and it’s how good change is brought about, but when it makes you bitter, it can be very bad. I have that bad mixture in me of idealism and realism. I know how I want it to be (how it should be), but I also know that the powers that be will never, ever let it happen. Hence, I am bitter.

The way America is moving today, with such a gap between the wealthy and poor ever widening, I hope that the discontented masses will rise up and end our past injustices. Oppression must end, in one way or another, and I’m curious to see how it will happen.

Seriously. I wrote this about one month after my 18th birthday, but I will bet that there are at least five posts on this same theme on CUSS. In fact, these are so freakin’ topical that I will be posting them up on CUSS over the next few weeks (months?).

I grabbed the egg-shaped object and shook it. The second I did so, I realized I made a horrendous mistake. The “snow” clinked against the glass and instead of being anchored to the ground, the creepy tree-thing swirled around with the water. When I placed it back on the table, I noticed that there were critters swimming around in a panic. I felt awful. I just disrupted their calm lives with the equivalent of a massive tsunami.

Still, even though I nearly killed the little crustaceans, I also coveted what I quickly learned (once I noticed the package next to the orb) was the EcoSphere. It has four shrimp, which exist in an entirely self-contained aquarium ecosphere. No feeding, no cleaning. Just give it a proper amount of light and don’t touch it too much, and every once in a while use the magnet attached to the instruction manual to attract the magnet in the ecosphere to scrape off extra algae from the glass, and it’s good to go for as many as three years.

The crustaceans, which I quickly named after certain people who have earned my disrespect in the past few months but will remain nameless, somehow captured my cold dark heart even though they are sort of gross. Like, gross in the sense that they are translucent and I can tell when they are full of shit, not unlike the their namesakes. Also, when they shed their exoskeletons, they eventually eat them. Yet they are kind of cute, too.

I brought the EcoSphere to work yesterday and put it on my desk. (More travel trauma for the poor little crustaceans, I hate to say.) All day, I glanced over at them to see what they were up to. They swam, hung out on the creepy tree-thingy, sat on the pebbles, and used their teeny little pincers to eat algae and bacteria. How could I not love something as it stuffed its teeny mouth with bacteria, right?

The EcoSphere is going to change everything for me. I’ll be much less anxious and stressed with them around (and also with my new regimen of acupuncture). I am so pleased that Husband was kind enough to let me have this oddest of corporate gifts, even though I nearly blew it with my rash early shaking action.

Now, if I could just not worry about the crustaceans (damn, I love saying “the crustaceans”) over weekends, it will be perfect!

I’m fairly certain that I use the f word about as often as I use the word “the.” When I’m super happy, I love swearing. When I’m super angry, I blow off steam by swearing. My current colleagues think this is hilarious, which was pretty much the reaction of all of my various co-workers from every place I’ve ever worked, because I look like a very nice, sweet, mild person. Then I open my mouth, and the image goes to fucking shit.

My writing used to contain a lot of swearing. This was, I thought (and still often do), the crux of my ability to be hilarious. What’s really interesting, though, is that I haven’t used blue language at all in the book that I am writing. I’m sure it will get salty near the end, when the main character’s granddaughter is a teenager, but maybe not. Maybe I can write an entire document without indulging my love for the f bomb. If it works out well, then great. If not, well, fuck that.

*I have a sneaking suspicion that I have written something like this before, but I was thinking about it today and so if it is redundant, well, that’s where I am at in life right now.

On Saturday night, I went out to dinner with Husband, Dr. P, and Dr. H’s new man friend. While we enjoyed a vegetarian Indian feast, New Man Friend surprised me with a simple question. “Will you write about tonight on your blog?” he asked.

“My blog?” I replied, reflexively.

“Yeah,” he said.

I couldn’t believe that someone would want to be mentioned on CUSS, although it was nice to hear. (And I hope that he is pleased with post, even if it is very meta.) My cousin and my aunt also asked me what was going on with the old blog. Maybe blogging is not dead. In my case, it is certainly on life support. Still, it can wake from its coma any time I find myself less bored by myself.

On the show, Snooki and her friend Deena drink excessively, act like morons (i.e. – falling down on the street because they can’t walk in their heels), and take no responsibility for their actions whatsoever. Snooki is the embodiment of a selfish, spoiled, American brat. Deena seems a little more down to earth, but still about as intellectually curious as a worm, no offense to the worm.

Yet I can’t help but sort of admire the ladies. Seriously. Neither of them command the perfect physiques of their tall, thin, surgically enhanced female roommates on the show, but both believe they are attractive and worthy of attractive men who value them for being themselves. They are extremely frank and open about their sexuality. They know that women have needs and they see no reason to be embarrassed by them. On a few occasions, I was blown away when they discussed their love of masturbation. That’s just kind of awesome.

At the end of the day, I can’t say that Snooki and Deena make ideal role models for girls, but I think that they create a fantastic opportunity for great discussion on what is a trait to respect and what might be just poor decision-making skills. It’s not only girls. I wish that more women (including myself!) had the confidence of Snooki and Deena.

Now if we could just do something about the way we value people in general…