Archive for the ‘fun trips’ Category

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The Hipster

August 13th, 2011 by Suzanne | 1 Comment | Filed in Asshole idiots, Damn, fun trips, hilarity, I love New York, Off the (Beaten) Subway Track, oh happy day, random, What is wrong with people?

For the last few years, I’ve meant to head out to Ft. Tilden, a former military base turned park in the Far Rockaways section of Queens.  A friend at work highly recommended it.  I finally semi-made it there today with Husband and some friends. 

Since my preferred method of travel, subway and/or bus, would have taken us about 2 hours, we decided to drive.  The park website had car directions, but when we arrived, we learned there was no parking without a permit in the summer.  Then, after ditching Augustus Gloop (our car) at the parking lot for neighboring Jacob Riis and walking along the concrete boardwalk back to Ft. Tilden park, we learned you cannot have a picnic there without a permit halfway through our picnic.  (The ranger let us finish, though.)

As came back from the trash after cleaning up, I passed by a woman sitting under a tree to my right.

“Hey hipster!  Go to the beach,” she hissed.

I looked behind me to see who she was talking to.  There was no one there.  I looked to my left.  Also no one there.  I looked back at her.  She had a straw hat pulled over her face so I could not see who she was looking at.

“Hey hipster!” She hissed again.  “Go to the beach!”

I realized that she was directing her comment to me.  This made me want to laugh, as I am about as close to a hipster as Snooki to a Greek scholar.  I wondered if she thought of all white people as hipsters, although I thought she was white, too.  She hissed at me a third time.  Then I felt awkward and weirded out.

The day was not a total bust, though.  After having our picnic rushed, not being able to use the hiking trail with the cool wood stairs, and being called a hipster, we headed over to the nearby Jamaica Bay Wildlife Refuge.  It was gorgeous and not even the osprey circling the air seemed to mind our presence.  Or maybe birds of prey like fake hipsters.

Manliness

July 29th, 2011 by Suzanne | 2 Comments | Filed in fun trips, hilarity

On one of Husband’s many travels for work, he stayed at an uber posh hotel which offered some line of Hermes shampoo, body gel, and bar soap. Of course he put the fancy stuff in his bag for the future and used less nice soaps he hoarded from another hotel. The Hermes goods wound up in his bag for use at the house we rented for a week in upstate New York.

When I saw the dark greenish blue bottles and plastic soap case, I was excited. “Ooooh,” I thought, “This is going to be so lux!”. I could not wait to try them.

My first shower at the house, though, was by the pool in a little wooden bath house. For some reason, the landlords stocked it with body washes, shampoo, and conditioner that smelled like various flowers and other dainty scents. It was nice.

The next day, I used the regular shower. My hands practically trembled with anticipation as I unscrewed the lid of the shampoo bottle. I lifted it to my nostril and took a deep breath. Then I nearly passed out.

It was the strongest cologne I have smelled outside the section of department stores in which sales people assault shoppers with test sprays of cologne. I smeared the shampoo on my head and immediately felt my balls tingle. Except I don’t have balls. That’s how manly this cologne shampoo smelled.

When I washed my body, I was certain that the soap bubbles cleansed my thick mat of chest hair extra thoroughly even though my chest is one of the few places that I don’t seem to have hair. My voice deepened. I wondered why I didn’t have a pair of silk boxers and a matching smoking jacket.

In short, I’ll not miss the Hermes body cologne cleaning products after my last shower here tomorrow morning. I only hope that it will not have a long lasting effect on my testosterone levels, as my chin hairs don’t need any more encouragement.

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Taste of Chicago 2011

July 2nd, 2011 by Suzanne | 2 Comments | Filed in fun trips, yummy eats

To celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary, Husband and I went with Dana and Ryan to the Taste of Chicago today.  The heat index was at 100 degrees, so Marcus stayed home with our parents, who were very excited to hang out with him.

Despite the heat, I managed to eat:
-half a Polish sauasage with unions (Bobak Sausage Co)
- bossap sorbet (still not sure what it was, but quite refreshing – Iyanze)
- half a slice of stuffed spinach pizza (Bacino’s)
- churro with vanilla sauce (Xocoto)
- nibbles of frozen popcorn ball on a stick (Garrett Popcorn shop)
- nibbles of sweet potato cheesecake and of Cajun meatball (C’est Si Bon)
- nibble of tilapia taco (carbon)
- half a boneless rib sandwich (Robinson’s, long one of my favorites)
- half a chocolate chip cheesecake slice dipped in crunchy choclate frozen on a stick (Eli’s)
- mac and cheese bite (cubby bear)
- mustard-fried catfish (BJ’s Market)
- half a piece of mozzarella garlic bread (Polo Cafe)
- two potato pierogies (Kasia’s)
- frozen kefir (Starfruit Cafe)

Depite the layer of salt from sweat dripping into my mouth, everything was great.  We had a nice time gorging and chatting.  It was the perfect way to celebrate our love!
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Shade of Winter

March 27th, 2011 by Suzanne | 3 Comments | Filed in fashion Suzanne-style, fun trips, hilarity, random

When I left New York last Friday for my trip to London, it was an unseasonably delightful 70 degrees. While I whiled away my time running under the sun in Hyde Park and eating spotted dick, winter returned to the city. I am not pleased.

However, while I was in London, I also encountered the winter in me. This was not the first time. When I was in fourth grade, I enrolled in a modeling class at my local community center. (Seriously.) Why, as a pudgy girl experiencing the pangs of puberty and resplendent with a face of acne, I thought this was going to be fun is beyond me. It only served to make me feel even shittier about myself. The upside was that at a young age, I learned that my personal color palette was from the “winter” spectrum: jewel colors, bold pinks, black, white, and gray work well with my skin tone. The instructor, a former beauty queen, informed me that I should never, ever wear orange, which was fine by me. Unfortunately, I also needed to stay away from pastels, a pre-adolescent girl’s bestest friend.

Anyway, my friend Mara had had her colors done by a professional color consultant a few years ago and it completely changed how she dressed and looked. We thought it would be fun if I did the same, so she made me an appointment. My status as a winter was confirmed (whew!) and the consultant went a step further to help me with make-up:
It’s all very glamorous, yes? I even tried out different expressions for the photos, trying to channel Tyra’s advice to contestants on America’s Next Top Model to “smeyes” (i.e. – smile with your eyes). Well, Husband said that I look like I am not only wearing lipstick, but “sitting on a rectal probe” in the fuchsia photo. Right.

A Medical History Museum and Spotted Dick

March 23rd, 2011 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in fun trips, hilarity, I am a bad person sometimes, oh happy day, yummy eats

The weather in London has been amazing. It has not rained the entire time I have been here and the sun has been out at least for an hour a day. The temperature is in the mid- to upper 50s. Delightful!

Yesterday I took another walking tour. One of the stops was at the Hunterian Museum. The Hunterian Museum is a medical history museum with tons of deformed specimens in jars of formaldehyde, skeletons, and surgical equipment. It is part of the Royal College of Surgeons. I tried to visit this museum in 2001, the very first time I was in London, but was told that it was not open to the public; to visit, a surgeon had to vouch for you. At the time, I knew no surgeons. I am so pleased that this policy has changed. My absolute favorite type of museum is a medical history museum. In fact, I would love to write a guide book to medical history museums around the world. This seems expensive to research, but I have visited a fair number already.

After my walking tour, I met my friend Mara for lunch. We stopped into Ye Olde Chesire Cheese pub, which was rebuilt in 1667, and super cool, with lots of wood paneling, fireplaces, short doorways, and cave-like rooms. I didn’t want to eat a heavy lunch, so we headed over to Gordon’s Wine Bar, which is another old restaurant with cave-like rooms. Then we went to Mara’s flat and took an afternoon run along the Thames and by Chiswick House. I really, really love running in London. The parks and scenery are gorgeous.

Eventually we headed back into the denser part of the city for dinner. This was taken at the Golden Hinde, a fish and chips place since 1914. I feasted on fried haddock, feta fritters, peas, and Greek salad. I’ve never been one for fried potato products, whether American or British style chips, so I skipped out on that. (I know – who eats fish and chips without the chips?) For dessert, I had that excellent British classic of spotted dick. This is some sort of raisin bread pudding in a bowl of hot custard. Not only is it delicious, but I can make many awful jokes about eating spotted dick and custard. Sort of the perfect end to a perfect day.

Today I am going to run in Hyde Park, eat some sort of fancy yogurt at lunch, and then go on a “Fair Maids, Feminists, and Philanthropists” walking tour. In the evening, though, I need to get back to working on my novel, so I’ll grab something from Marks & Spence Food on the Move and have a working dinner. I’m actually looking forward to that, too.

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With Love from London

March 21st, 2011 by Suzanne | 3 Comments | Filed in fun trips, yummy eats

I arrived in London early on Saturday morning, somewhat rested. (I sat on one end of a row of five seats, a guy sat on the other end, and we each got 2.5 seats to lie down on, which was not bad.) Husband and I went straight to our friend’s flat. From there, we joined her family at a Purim celebration. I cannot remember the last Purim service I went to, but I am fairly certain it did not involve a BBC announcer narrating the Scroll of Esther.

Although we ate enormous quantities of hamentashen, we still indulged in scrumptious goat cheese tarts for lunch. Then we went checked into our hotel. I planned to crash for a nap, but the dungeon – er, room – to which we were assigned had no hot water. And by not hot water, I literally mean nothing came from the tap. Hence we switched to a non-dungeon room. Then I crashed.

We met my friend and her family again for an amazing dinner at Leong’s Legends, which involved pork. Lots of pork. Plus crispy turnips, which sound nasty but are delicious, and red beans stuffed with glutinous rice and soup dumplings. Afterward, we walked over to Royal Festival Hall for a food and wine festival. At this point I ate the best thing I have ever placed on my tongue: a sweet macaron shells with goat cheese.

On Sunday, I woke up and ran in Green and St. James Parks. It was gorgeous. Husband and I met some other friends for lunch at Wild Honey. For dessert, I had honey ice cream with honey combs. Very nice. Not as nice, however, as savory cheese macarons, so we walked back over to Royal Festival Hall and bought more. I also tried one with cheddar. It was good, but the goat cheese is still the best thing I have ever eaten. Then Husband and I wandered around a bit and headed over to my friend’s neighborhood. We split at ham and leek pie for two at Duke of Sussex. It came piping hot with a large spoon:

Back at the hotel, I slept for over 12 hours.

Today I had a middling English breakfast (bastards did not include sausage!) and then went on an excellent walking tour in St. James. Then I wandered through Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens for tea at The Orangery. In the past, I found it to be affordable and delightful. Unfortunately, the quality has declined dramatically. The Earl Gray Tea was good, as was my scone. I got a ton of clotted cream and jam, which was a bonus. However, the sandwiches were bland and the dessert just bad. Oh well.

I walked back to the hotel to meet Husband, then we walked four miles to Brick Lane Beigel Bake on the East End. The bagels are super tasty and filled with salt beef (i.e. – warm thick slices of corned beef) or cream cheese and lox. This place is so inexpensive it is almost insane. The lox and cream cheese beigel is about two pounds and a piece of cheese cake is 50 pence. We rode a double decker bus back to the hotel. Very lovely.

So far, the weather has been great. It is mild (mid-50s to 60s) and even sunny. I love London.

Lyndon B. Johnson and My Dad

February 15th, 2011 by Suzanne | 4 Comments | Filed in family, fun trips, hilarity, I am a bad person sometimes

President Lyndon B. Johnson was such an asshole that he held meetings in his bathroom. While he was on the toilet. Aides had to stand around and speak to him with he took a shit. I suppose he thought he was royalty.

I’ve always been fascinated by this fact, partly because I am known to talk on the phone while perched on the porcelain throne. I won’t do it if things will be, uh, too noisy, but a little tinkle or squeeze never hurt anyone. The giveaway is when I flush, so I try to hold off on that until the discussion is over. I’m no LBJ.

I realized this afternoon that my dad is no LBJ, either. We both sat with our laptops at the dining room table this afternoon, working away. Then he received a business call on his mobile phone, stood up from the table, and walked upstairs. At first I thought he took the call into another room so as not to bother me, which was very nice.

However, as he chatted (I could still hear him), I noticed that the bathroom door was closed. He spoke for a while, then it was quiet. More quiet ensued. Then, a flush, the sound of the sink, and the door swung open. My dad sauntered out, cell phone in hand.

I’m a chip off the old block. (And another sign that he is no LBJ: I was not named Bird or given my father’s initials.) My mom and sister,* by the way, are known to indulge in the practice bathroom talk as well.

*Happy 31st birthday, Dana!!! I love talking to you while you drive and/or are on the toilet.

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Rush Hour

February 14th, 2011 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Damn, family, fun trips, hilarity, I love New York, What is wrong with people?

I went with my sister and father to Costco on Sunday morning.  Dana wanted to fill her car with gas before driving back to Iowa, and my mom suggested that she stock up on diapers as long as we were there.  We finished getting gas at 9:53 am, but the store did not open until 10:00.

We pulled into the lot, expecting to be the first people there.  To our surprise the lot was a quarter full.  At least two dozen people lined up at the door.  “Damn,” I said.  “You’d think there was some sort of doorbusters sale going on.”  We stayed in the car and watched people streaming from the lot in all directions.

The doors opened and the growing crowd surged forward.  My dad sprang out of the car.  “Hurry,” he said.  “It’s open!”  I guess this is rush hour in north suburban Chicago. 

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Where I’ve Been

December 30th, 2010 by Suzanne | 2 Comments | Filed in fuck, fun trips

Sooooo… Husband and I just got back from vacation. My intention was, as always, to blog my trip. I like doing that because it is a good reminder to me where I’ve been and when, just like a paper travel journal. A few times I looked back to my blog to fondly remember a trip I took. I was very excited when I learned that the hotel that we booked in Istanbul had free wi-fi.

Except then I used the free wi-fi. It blocked CUSS. I’m not clear why, as the website that barred my access was in Turkish. I tried to use the online appeal form, but that didn’t work. Hence no blogging the trip, which was a bummer.

We had an excellent time. The highlights included a six hour food tour, seeing the Byzantine mosaics at St. Savior Church, and visiting new and old synagogues on both the European and Asian sides of the city. Food tour aside, we ate a lot. There was some insanely delicious baklava, puddings, kebaps, and lokum (aka Turkish Delight). I was super excited to bring back two different kinds of olive paste for my sister, who loved eating this as a child when she visited her best friend, who was Turkish. The lowlight of the trip was having the olive paste thrown out by airport security at the fucking gate as we left. I was particularly vexed because they let me leave with hazelnut spread, which they said was not a liquid, while insisting the thick olive paste was. Husband thought I would be dragged off as I tried to reason with them. Logic lost. Anyway, pictures to follow.

Since we booked the trip using frequent flier miles, our return flight involved an overnight stay in Madrid. Fortunately, we were able to visit the Prado Museum (where I saw The Garden of Earthly Delights, a painting by Hieronymous Bosch that has fascinated me for years), walk around a beautiful park, and eat paella before heading back to the airport. The hazelnut spread was promptly seized and trashed by airport security. This weirdly made me feel better. I was also able to purchase more olive paste in a duty free* shop, albeit at three times the cost of the original jars.

A great trip, but it is nice to be home again. Even with the two foot high snow banks lining the cold streets.

*Personally, I prefer all my shops to be free of doody… ba dum dum….

What I Want to Do When I Grow Up Any Day Now

December 2nd, 2010 by Suzanne | 5 Comments | Filed in fun trips, hilarity, I am a bad person sometimes, I love New York, random

My flight home from Chicago last night was packed. This did not stop the guy sitting in the seat next to me from putting two bags and his coat in the overhead bin. I posted my displeasure with his actions on Facebook, then wondered what he would do if he knew. “Of course he won’t know – he’s a stranger!” I reminded myself. Then we chatted for the next two hours.

He asked me what I did and what Husband did. I said that I worked part-time as a grant writer, taught a financial management class for child care center directors, and did some consulting. “I am also writing a book,” I told him.

“So you live off your husband,” he commented. The guy is Israeli, so I was not totally surprised at his brusqueness, but I was still horrified. In fact, this is exactly my worst fear. I don’t want to be a mooch or thought of as a mooch. I may not work at a conventional job with conventional hours or make fistfuls of dollars, but I work, dammit. I worry that people will think I’m a spoiled housewife. Why do I feel so insecure about it? It drives me nuts. Work means so much to me. I wish I was not so ambitious. That’s probably why I get so upset if I think that people perceive me as a loser. Ugh.

As I also reported on Facebook, the guy seemed very concerned that all of my anxiety (of which people like him cause with their stupid commentary) causes my insomnia. He suggested that I begin smoking weed, which is about as horrifying to me as the idea of being a spoiled housewife. He was very earnest, though. (When I later relayed the guy’s advice to Husband, who himself was drunk after a work event, he suggested that I not speak to people in coach. Hilarious.)

At the end of the flight, my seatmate asked for my card. When he looked at it, he said he would friend me on Facebook. Figures.

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