Archive for the ‘Damn’ Category

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Lobby, Lobby, Lobby!

January 17th, 2012 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Damn, random, those were the days

April 20, 1994

Yesterday, I went down to Springfield [IL] to lobby the legislative about Parental Notification laws. I must say it was a very interesting experience! First, I tried to call Schoenberg out of hearings to talk to him, but he wasn’t on the floor. So, I crossed the hall to the Senate side and met with Sen. Stern. She is a very nice person, and I presented her with a pro-choice calendar from the NARAL Teen Advisory Council to thank her for support. When I later located Schoenberg, I gave him a calendar as well, and he in turn invited me to a conference he is holding about women. Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend.

I also got to meet Penny Severns, who is running for Lt. Governor with Dawn Clark Netsch. She was a very nice person as well. We gave her calendar, too. (Hmmm… you know, these very same calendar are available for purchase… only $6 and I’m in it! Hint, hint, if you’d like one…)

Anyway, after talking with Schoenberg, Stern, and Severns, I went around to other senators’ offices to give out calendars. One interesting thing I found when doing this was a discrepancy between the Democrats’ side and the Republicans’ side. The Dems set up was, in the words of my friend, “communal.” The secretaries sat in clusters and chatted. They were a diverse bunch, representing a range of ethnicities and ages. The Republicans’ side, however, was “like a country club.” They had thick, plush carpeting and luxurious furnishings. What I found scary, though, were the secretaries. EVERY SINGLE ONE was young, white, blond, and had a Southern accent. I could not figure out where all these Southern women came from! Are they imported from Tennessee or something?!? It was really creepy!

I finished off my day of lobbying by making an unscheduled stop in Gov. Edgar’s office. I left a letter to him explaining why he should veto parental notification bills. I was very proud of myself, although I doubt it really will do any good. But, who knows? It’s worth a try!

Oh, one more point of interest. As I sat here writing this entry, I was interrupted by a call from Stern’s office. She told her staff to invite me to a brunch with her and her supporters on Sunday, May 1. I was all excited to go, but then I realized that I’d probably fall asleep in my plate becayse prom is the night before. Oh well! There’ll be lenty more chances in the future.

Fat

January 8th, 2012 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Damn, fashion Suzanne-style, other rants, those were the days

I’m back to the journal I kept for my AP Poli Sci class literally half of my life ago. I swear I wrote this 18 years ago.

March 7, 1994

Tonight I saw a report on the news which linked crash dieting to breast cancer. Earlier this evening, I read an article in YM (not a very intellectual magazine, I admit, but entertaining!), about a girl who was bulimic. Every model I see is thin, thin, and thinner. Very few women can attain these unrealistic standards of “beauty,” but we are constantly attacked with these evil images of what we “should” be.

What scares me about all this is how easily we fall prey to these messages. I’ve heard many sad stories about 7 year old girls believing themselves to be fat and going on diets. I consider myself to be a strong person, and yet I, too, am caught up in the weight traps society sets for me. I hate feeling fat and disgusting and I’ve even resorted to starving myself in the past. I once lost 20 pounds in 6 weeks by eating nothing by cereal and carrots. When I gained that back, I began forcing myself to throw up after I’d stuff my face. I remember being at a friend’s house last year over Winter Break, eating 3 pieces of thick crust pizza, throwing them up, then eating a piece of French silk pie, and throwing that up too. Luckily, I decided that business was bullshit, and I’d just be fat.

Well, it’s not so simple. Every time I see an Ultra-Slimfast or Nestle Sweet Success or Dexatrim commercial, I seriously consider using them. None of them are healthy, but women have done some pretty dangerous stuff in the past in order to fit society’s “beauty” standard. Plastic surgery is a whole other story.

Maybe I wouldn’t feel so pressured, despite the barrage of ads, if clothes were made to fit me. But the beauty politicians have set their own agenda here, too. Designers seem to believe that only tall and thin girls exist. Either that, or they are determined to makes sure that only tall, thin girls – or at least thin – exist by making clothes only for them. I like to go shopping, but at times it is a personal hell. It’s very depressing to try on 8 jillion dresses and not have one fit. In fact, it can make one downright hungry…

I read a section in Backlash by Susan Faludi about the fashion industry. It’s unbelievable how many women-haters are the ones who are dressing us. The more I learn about the politics of beauty, the more I understand why self-doubt, anorexia, and bulimia are so rampant through our culture. From wearing corsets that were tied so tight that the woman would faint from the slightest exertions (very bad circulation, mind you) to today’s teeny bikinis, women just are thrown from one extreme to the other. Very few people are immune to the quest for perfection and societal acceptance. Not even me.

Heritage

December 19th, 2011 by Suzanne | No Comments | Filed in Damn, evil, Jewishness, other rants, random, those were the days

The optimism (and lack of knowledge beyond Ashkenazi Jews) in this journal entry for my AP Poli Sci class just kills me. This is probably the issue in which my views have most evolved over the last 18 years:

March 2, 1994

I am so disappointed and hurt by the psychotic actions of the crazed Dr. Goldstein* in Israel. How can we ever expect to be taken seriously when we complain about terrorism and then we commit the same heinous crimes that we condemn? It is because of people like Dr. Goldstein, extremists, that other people hate Jews. OK, well, maybe not, but we’ll never solve anything by acting the same way as our enemies. It is for that reason that I am glad that Rabbi Kahane** is dead.

It crushes me when a Jewish person commits an act of violence like that. I realize that no race is perfect, but it still makes me embarrassed to be Jewish. It’s really weird because I usually consider myself proud to be Jewish. Over the last few years. I’ve become very aware of my Jewish heritage. In the past, when people would ask me what nationality I am, I’d say Russian and Polish. But recently I’d begun to rethink my position. True, my family came from these countries, but we don’t have any of their customs. In fact, Jews were never considered to be Russian or Polish or whatever nationality, but Jews. They lived in separate towns (willingly or forced), spoke a different language, and had their own culture. They were a nation of people without a nation, scattered around the globe, connected by religion, culture, persecution, and language. Now when I’m asked what my background is, I say Jewish.

The point of all this is that every nationality needs a nation, and that’s why Israel is so important. I don’t want it to lose respect in the eyes of other nations because of some crazy. We have too much to lose. It just really upsets me that we’ve come this close to peace, and now it may be lost.

*This evil person killed 29 Muslim worshippers in Hebron: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baruch_Goldstein
**I spit on his grave: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meir_Kahane

I AM PRO-LIFE

December 13th, 2011 by Suzanne | 2 Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, Damn, evil, other rants, those were the days, What is wrong with people?

From the journal I kept for AP Poli Sci, and I am glad that my thinking is a little more sophisticated now…

Feb. 3, 1994

19 kids found living in horrible conditions, fighting for food with the dog, crawling with cockroaches, etc.* The DCFS did nothing. My [relative] is a teacher in [a low-income suburb]. She told me that she knows of other children who live in similar situations. She told me that it recently took DCFS over SIX MONTHS to get one of her students removed from the CRACK HOUSE he lived in with his crack-addicted parents. What is going on here?!?

I’m so angry. I am also very bitter. So many issues are relevant, even contributing to, this disgusting abuse and neglect of kids. My relative pointed out two things. First, she said, DCFS is stuffed with too many burned out workers and people “who just don’t give a shit.” Second, she thinks that many families are not adequately taken care of because they are black. She feels the DCFS lets more bad things happen because they don’t care what happens to black children. I think that a lot of the mistakes DCFS makes is due to the screwy philosophiy that some members hold. I read a quote from a DCFS caseworker in some magazine (for the life of me I can’t remember which one) a while ago. He said that they feel it is more traumatizing for a child to be taken out of an abusive situation than to leave him with the ones he loves and is familiar with. Hmmm… when people who are in charge of protecting children from harm think such perverse, backwards theories, it’s amazing that anything gets done!

What makes me angriest, however, is the so-called “pro-lifers.” If they are so concerned about protecting life, where are they when children are forced to live under the poverty line, in misery, surrounded by drugs, gangs, prostitutes, and god knows what else?!? Are they down there working to clean up the neighborhoods? Are they clamoring for more health care benefits for these kids, better schools, better standards of living? Are they fighting for day care so that the women forced to bear children they don’t want can go to work to earn a living? Do they want to provide welfare so that mothers can stay home and care for their unwanted children? Are they adopting every single child who is born unwanted? If so, why are there more than 500,000 kids available for adoption that no one is taking? If 1.5 more children, unwanted by anyone, hated by society, are born EACH YEAR, where are they going to go?

Yes, all of this ties in to the 19 children who were found in their own hell. Because until our society is ready to care for every child who is born, we have no right to demand that women bear them.

PS – let’s not forget that poor women should not be able to have abortion because they can’t afford it. After all, they are the least able to raise children – with no resources, no education, small housing, etc. Women who can afford abortions are unaffected by the Hyde Amendment are allowed to plan their families. They can stop having children whenever they choose. (They also have better access to birth control.) Oh, never mind! I’m so frustrated!!!

*http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/1994/04/24/why-leave-children-with-bad-parents.html

The Notebook

December 11th, 2011 by Suzanne | 5 Comments | Filed in Damn, hilarity, random, those were the days, unshaved snatch

While I was at my parents’ house, I dug through a storage box of papers that I have in my room. When the folks were visiting me in NYC at the end of October, they regaled my friend with an (embarrassing) tale of a one-woman protest I staged at Marshall Field’s department store when I was in high school. (I had read about the terrible attitude the founders of Guess? jeans had toward women in Backlash, and I thought women should stop buying their clothes. I was escorted out, politely, by security.) My friend thought this was great (i.e. – hilarious), so I wondered if I might find one of the fliers I had made up so he could continue to be amused by me.

Instead, I found a notebook that I had to keep for a few months as part of my AP Political Science class. The first entry is Jan. 31, 1994, and it runs through April 22. Everything I wrote almost 18 years ago is a topic that I subsequently wrote about on my blog (minus the unshaved snatch stuff, but I would have if it was an issue back then, I bet): abortion rights, income inequality, my hatred of Republican shenanigans, education, Jewishness, genocide, the pressure for women to be thin, etc. I swore a lot. I made little jokes.

On one hand, it is cool to see that I was so passionate and sort of advanced at a young age. On the other, I realized that I have not changed much in 18 years. That’s disturbing. Here’s a good sample:

America: Land of the Free or the Hypocrites?

March 31

I tell you, the more I learn about this country, the more I hate it. All we are is a bunch of hypocrites. “Equal opportunities for all!” “Land of the free!” “With liberty and justice for all.” BULLSHIT! I watch the news, I read, I observe. Very rarely do I find these notions of “democracy” actually in operation. Usually, I see the oligarchy that really runs this country paying lip-service to it.

I was talking to my mom about how disillusioned I am and how I can’t stand living here, and she said that compared to other countries, the US is a heaven. I said that I know that, but I can’t stand living in the Land of the Hypocrites. Whenever I see some patriotic themed thing, I feel sick to my stomach. It is just a lie.

My mom said that no place is perfect. She said she was worried because of how bitter I already am at such a young age. She told me that I was searching for a utopia and asked me if I was too idealistic. I suppose I am. She told me that idealism is good, and it’s how good change is brought about, but when it makes you bitter, it can be very bad. I have that bad mixture in me of idealism and realism. I know how I want it to be (how it should be), but I also know that the powers that be will never, ever let it happen. Hence, I am bitter.

The way America is moving today, with such a gap between the wealthy and poor ever widening, I hope that the discontented masses will rise up and end our past injustices. Oppression must end, in one way or another, and I’m curious to see how it will happen.

Seriously. I wrote this about one month after my 18th birthday, but I will bet that there are at least five posts on this same theme on CUSS. In fact, these are so freakin’ topical that I will be posting them up on CUSS over the next few weeks (months?).

Role Models?

October 14th, 2011 by Suzanne | 1 Comment | Filed in Damn, random

Last year, my sister got me hooked on Jersey Shore. In some ways, I feel like if we are going to hell in a handbasket, when I watched the show, I decided that Jersey Shore is clearly that handbasket. The vast majority of the cast is vapid, lazy, and addicted to alcohol. Yet they are all gajillionaires now: one of the women on the show, Snooki, was paid more to speak at Rutgers University than Toni Morrison. Toni Morrison – that makes me throw up a little in my mouth!

On the show, Snooki and her friend Deena drink excessively, act like morons (i.e. – falling down on the street because they can’t walk in their heels), and take no responsibility for their actions whatsoever. Snooki is the embodiment of a selfish, spoiled, American brat. Deena seems a little more down to earth, but still about as intellectually curious as a worm, no offense to the worm.

Yet I can’t help but sort of admire the ladies. Seriously. Neither of them command the perfect physiques of their tall, thin, surgically enhanced female roommates on the show, but both believe they are attractive and worthy of attractive men who value them for being themselves. They are extremely frank and open about their sexuality. They know that women have needs and they see no reason to be embarrassed by them. On a few occasions, I was blown away when they discussed their love of masturbation. That’s just kind of awesome.

At the end of the day, I can’t say that Snooki and Deena make ideal role models for girls, but I think that they create a fantastic opportunity for great discussion on what is a trait to respect and what might be just poor decision-making skills. It’s not only girls. I wish that more women (including myself!) had the confidence of Snooki and Deena.

Now if we could just do something about the way we value people in general…

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Atonement

October 7th, 2011 by Suzanne | 6 Comments | Filed in Damn, evil, Jewishness, mortification, other rants

Yom Kippur, the Jewish day of atonement, begins tonight at sundown. Tonight, people will recite the Kol Nidre, an Aramaic prayer that asks God, “May all the people of Israel be forgiven, including all the strangers who live in their midst, for all the people are in fault.” It is a haunting, beautiful prayer, which can be heard here.

As a society, there is a lot to atone for this year, as every year. My top priority is the chasm between the rich and everyone else. I was particularly struck by this last night, when Husband and I received an appraisal for our apartment. (We are refinancing.)

We’ve lived in our place for almost nine years. In the time, the value has increased by more than 200%. In theory, I should be jumping for joy, but I’m actually appalled. When we went to buy a place, we stretched a little, but it was at least feasible. We could never do that now. I don’t understand how anyone can.

Decades ago, my neighborhood was a little microcosm of society. There were wealthy people on Central Park West, middle class people on the side streets, and mixed in with that were single room occupancy (SRO) buildings and halfway houses. My former boss lived in a brownstone on Columbus and 85th Street in the late 1980s, and across the street was a crack den. Homeless people lit trash fires to warm themselves at night. I’m not saying I want the crack dens back, but a studio apartment in that building now rents for $2000 per month and renters have to show the landlord that their yearly income is 40 times that amount before they can sign a lease. It’s a rich people ghetto and it’s morally wrong.

This whole situation is unsustainable. The real estate market is a house of cards. The only way to keep price up is to have inflated salaries in certain industries, like legal, banking, and medicine. But as a whole, we can’t afford that and we should not have to mortgage the future of the country so that an elite class can afford a one bedroom apartment on the ground floor facing the street if they stretch a bit. It’s sick.

I won’t be attending services for Yom Kippur. However, I will be hoping that not only are my family and friends inscribed in the Book of Life this year, but that some true miracle will happen and this nation will wake up and say that everyone deserves an equal shot at more than merely breathing.

Gmar chatima tova.

Irene, You Ruined My Weekend, Damn You*

August 26th, 2011 by Suzanne | 2 Comments | Filed in Damn, fuck, I love New York, mortification

My friend Dr. P’s birthday is today. (Happy birthday!) My friend Caitlin’s birthday is tomorrow. We had parties planned up the wazoo for both days. We had brunch plans with some friends from London. Now, I am stuck spending the weekend holed up with Husband. (Terrible, I know. When I “complained” to him about this, e told me that I better stock up on books. If the power doesn’t go out, I’m going to submit short works to lit magazines. If it does go out, I will work on writing until the battery on my laptop dies.)

I’m very curious to see if this turns out to be an insane storm or if elected officials are overreacting because they massively fucked up during a snowstorm in December that paralyzed the city. Coney Island, Brighton Beach, the Rockaways, and other beach areas in Brooklyn and Queens are being completely evacuated. The entire public transportation system is being shut down at noon on Sat. (Never has that been done before.) This means that no one will be able to get to work on Saturday unless they live within walking distance, which means no stores or restaurants or anything will be open. It’s going to be interesting.

In 1999, the city freaked out when Hurricane Floyd headed our way. Then nothing happened. part of me hopes nothing will happen, but then I’ll be mad that we spent all this money preparing for the storm and disrupted so many businesses and people’s work schedules. I can only imagine how much this is going to hurt them in an economic environment that already is causing so much hardship.

Unrelated to Irene, but equally horrifying, I realized that the woman who cleans our apartment must think we are total sickos. First there was the veiny dildo on my nightstand. Then last night, I realized that she folded a blanket we keep in the living room (for watching TV or when guests sleep over) and placed it dead center on the giant stuffed penis, which she placed on top of a folded up pack and play. I will not be surprised if she demands a raise.

*No cheesy jokes about rocking like a hurricane or coming on Irene!

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The Hipster

August 13th, 2011 by Suzanne | 1 Comment | Filed in Asshole idiots, Damn, fun trips, hilarity, I love New York, Off the (Beaten) Subway Track, oh happy day, random, What is wrong with people?

For the last few years, I’ve meant to head out to Ft. Tilden, a former military base turned park in the Far Rockaways section of Queens.  A friend at work highly recommended it.  I finally semi-made it there today with Husband and some friends. 

Since my preferred method of travel, subway and/or bus, would have taken us about 2 hours, we decided to drive.  The park website had car directions, but when we arrived, we learned there was no parking without a permit in the summer.  Then, after ditching Augustus Gloop (our car) at the parking lot for neighboring Jacob Riis and walking along the concrete boardwalk back to Ft. Tilden park, we learned you cannot have a picnic there without a permit halfway through our picnic.  (The ranger let us finish, though.)

As came back from the trash after cleaning up, I passed by a woman sitting under a tree to my right.

“Hey hipster!  Go to the beach,” she hissed.

I looked behind me to see who she was talking to.  There was no one there.  I looked to my left.  Also no one there.  I looked back at her.  She had a straw hat pulled over her face so I could not see who she was looking at.

“Hey hipster!” She hissed again.  “Go to the beach!”

I realized that she was directing her comment to me.  This made me want to laugh, as I am about as close to a hipster as Snooki to a Greek scholar.  I wondered if she thought of all white people as hipsters, although I thought she was white, too.  She hissed at me a third time.  Then I felt awkward and weirded out.

The day was not a total bust, though.  After having our picnic rushed, not being able to use the hiking trail with the cool wood stairs, and being called a hipster, we headed over to the nearby Jamaica Bay Wildlife Refuge.  It was gorgeous and not even the osprey circling the air seemed to mind our presence.  Or maybe birds of prey like fake hipsters.

Triggers

July 4th, 2011 by Suzanne | 7 Comments | Filed in Damn, family, Jewishness, other rants, sadness, writing

Saturday morning we went out to breakfast with a family friend. She told us about her husband’s experiences as a ten year old who carried messages for the Dutch resistance during WWII.

“Oh,” my dad said. “My father never spoke about his life in Warsaw except when he told me how he left.”

I froze mid-chew. How many times had I asked my father what he knew about his father’s life in Warsaw or afterwards and he said he didn’t know anything?

“He left Warsaw with a friend,” my dad continued. “As they ran trough the forest, the Germans were strafing it with bullets. His friend was killed right next to him. I think he was decapitated.”

I fought, uselessly, against the rage and despair that flowed through my veins. Getting angry or crying would not help. “Why didn’t you tell me this before? I had no idea that he left with a friend. I thought he was alone.”

“Oh no,” Dad replied. “I guess I forgot. He was with his best friend.”

It would have made a difference to know this while I was writing my thesis. I asked so many questions in as many ways as I could to find out what I could. And my dad had this crucial, heartbreaking detail stored away in the back of his brain all along. My mom also had heard that story and forgot.

I don’t know what to do to unlock these important memories. The brain is complicated and it is not my dad’s fault for not remembering, although at the same time I cannot understand how one would forget that his father watched his best friend die as they fled Warsaw. It is frustrating beyond belief. I am on the verge of tearing my hair out.

I’m angry at other people for forgetting or for not saying anything in the first place. I’m angry at myself for not pushing for information while I still had a chance, even though it probably would have done more harm than good. I’m angry at archives for not being helpful and again at myself for only speaking English and not being able to read some of the few works that are out there.

I want to know what happened. I want to know so badly that it leaves a coppery taste in my mouth when I think about it until that taste is replaced by the saltiness of my tears that result from the futility of it all at this point because what can I do?

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