Husband and I finally caved and decided not to pretend that we can handle cleaning our apartment or that we are fine living in a hovel. I secured the services of the cleaning person my friend has used for years. Over two visits, she spent ten hours doing an initial dust/scrub/wipe down. I almost didn't recognize the place, it was so shiny. My gratitude swelled. Then I went into the bedroom. When I saw what happened there, I was surprised that she was willing to return.

Over the years, I have accumulated many items. Some of these items may have been sitting on my nightstand, gathering dust, forgotten. Not only did the cleaning person uncover two boxes of contact lenses (one box per eyeball), but she also cleaned up the ginormous dildo I won in a Planned Parenthood fundraising raffle in March 2006 (see below).

This dildo is so ridiculously enormous that I don't know how a person could fit it in any orifice. It provided me with much amusement for a while. Husband once accused it of staring at him with one eye, so he taped two googly eyes on it to make it more normal. When the eyes fell off, I moved it from the living room to the bedroom, where it lay abandoned on my nightstand amidst the clutter.

The nice cleaning woman dusted off the dildo. I wondered what she thought of me, and fell into giggles of mortification. Then I buried it back under a pile of things. I hope next time she is cleaning, she does not think I hid it from her. Although, of course, I sort of did. So embarrassing!

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