My friend forwarded me the above photo of products available in German vending machines. As usual, I am saddened by the lack of foresight that US manufacturers display.* I don't know exactly where this German vending machine was located, but I hope it was in an airport. These are important items for travelers.

Imagine if you were on your way somewhere and after you went through airport security, you realized that you left your travel pussy at home! What would you do? If you were in Germany, you would just buy a new one from the vending machine and be set. What a relief to not have to worry!

On the other hand, the pussy you have at home might be too cumbersome to pack in a carry-on and you worry that your suitcase will get lost with its precious cargo. A travel pussy is perfect! Just like a travel size toothpaste or shampoo, you will have exactly what you need while away. Brilliant.

Granted, my pussy generally goes where I do, so it's not too much of a problem for me, although there have been many times when I wished I could leave it behind and had no choice but to muddle through. I feel a lot of sympathy for people who are not in the same position and find themselves without a pussy while traveling. This product really fills that hole, you know? I wonder if there are vending machines that might purvey travel dicks to people who need them. If not, I see a market expansion opportunity!

If only Americans were this thoughtful, we probably would have far fewer sex scandals. Since Germans have their travel pussy needs met, as well as those for vibrating penis rings, they have time for better scandals, like whether someone plagiarized his thesis at university or declares that they are excited to use their government position to discriminate against various religious groups. Sure these scandals are certainly less exciting than whether they are caught having affairs with campaign donor's wives or random people in men's rooms, but what can you expect from a culture that is so open about the importance of travel pussies?

We should take note and make improvements accordingly. I'll be calling my elected officials today and I urge you to do so as well. The sooner we act to get travel pussy vending machines set up around this great nation, the sooner, uh, we will have more fun with vending machines.

*Heck, LaGuardia Airport doesn't even have "feminine product" vending machines.

4 Comments