A Love Letter to Steph

Although my friend Steph has had a relationship with Husband’s associate Jean-Claude D. Pollack for ten years, he once again stood her up at the house we rented in upstate New York this work. Fortunately, he arranged a special delivery for her. The letter says:

1 Auguste 2010

My Cher Amour,

While I am sure you are enjoying the little place in Hoodsen, it is unfortunate that I cannot join you on the anniversary of our 10 years being romantic. As you know, I typically summer at Chantilly for solitude since, unlike the Avenue des Champs-Elysees, ugly ladies are not permitted. Handsome and wealthy, yes I bear a burden. Once I burdened a bear with the sharp end of a Laguiole knife, but that is another story about my manliness that is also the reason I am not allowed at the zoo in Stockholm any longer.

How sad that I have such an allergy to common people or I might be able to feign interest in meeting your friends. Although they cannot experience me in person, they will probably want to dream about the opulence of my lifestyle. To help them envisage this unobtainable fantasy, I am enclosing a lavishly illustrated guide to my fair estate. I know they will enjoy reading about the place where I spend so much time being sexy.

Beyond the very important book, I also include a small gift that is also a riddle. During my exciting and very dangerous work being a thief of secrets held by international peoples who wish to do France harm, I would often use my heart as a Trojan horsey. First, I give a woman my love and then I could search her drawers. Here, I do much the same, except I am presenting you with my secret. What is it? I hope you catch my meaning you silly and very elevated lady friend of mine,

A kiss on each side of your face,
Jean-Claude

The package contained a book about Chantilly with a new interpretation about the sexy Lord of the Manor, and a necklace with a pendant that concealed a USB memory card with videos of Jean-Claude’s mustache at the estate.