I'm in New Jersey for a staff retreat. (Insert your own joke here, but there's free wi fi and Diet Coke...) Not long after I checked into my room, settled on the fluffy white bed, and whipped out my laptop, I looked down. The gleaming white sole of my left gym shoe was smeared with a brown substance. My heart sank. Why had I not smelled the enormous shit blob on my shoe before? I probably dragged it all over the room. I picked the shoe up. The smell drifted into my nostril. "Yum," I thought. This was a first. I'd never wanted to eat shit before, although I had often suggested that others do so.

I resisted the temptation to lick it. Further inspection revealed a Hershey's Kiss encrusted in tread. Whew.

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