Halfway through the week, my sinuses began draining and my throat hurt. Someone else at work mentioned that she was dealing with the same problem. We figured allergies were to blame. By Friday morning, I considered the possibility of a cold, but the lack of a cough seemed to indicate that this was unlikely. I continued my evening (shopping and dinner with friends) as planned. Then I lost my voice. Probably the vocal explosion that occurred around 5 pm when I found out that we had an automobile insurance issue because some cuntface fraudulently claimed that Husband hit her car (a saga that started months ago and in theory had ended with a court dismissing the charge because there was no accident report because there was no accident) did not help. Probably I should not have stood in my cubicle yelling that if I ever found that bitch I would or send teams of owls to her house to eat parts of her face and vomit them up on her lifeless body. Even though the work day was over, I concede that I exhibited poor judgment.

My ability to orate did not return this morning. Fearing a sinus infection, I traveled to an urgent care clinic. While waiting to be seen, I was subjected to the antics of an overly entitled woman who, when told that the clinic did not accept her insurance, called said insurance and, while standing in front of the receptionist, said she could not deal "with ignorant staff who need to be told how to do their jobs." Incidentally, the receptionist had been perfectly nice to her and explained 600 times why the insurance would not work. (She came into the clinic for lab tests, which the clinic technically could do, but was not their main function among other issues.) Cunty McCunterson yelled into her cell phone about suing them. Even if I had the ability to speak, I would not have gotten involved, but I really wanted to seize her expensively clad shoulders and shake her until her eyes rattled. Such violence, I know.

Why, people, why do you do things that make me want to live by myself in a cave? On the flip side, today is my bestest friend Steph's 35th birthday! I tried to leave her a voicemail message wishing her a happy day, but every other word was inaudible. So happy birthday to my bestest B. I wish I could be there to celebrate with you today.

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