Since the last missive from husband to Steph regarding our weekend getaway was so popular, I bring the latest installment to CUSS:
Dear Ms. Adams,
Ms. Reisman, my wife and confidant, has surely informed you of my ill health. Despite the pleasant weather we are experiencing, a virus chose this time to take residence in my body. Although my personal physician recommends salty ocean air as a cure-all, I discovered that my stay at your parent's seaside bungalow would be further complicated by a competing antigen. This morning, Ms. Reisman informed me that you intend to bring your hairy pussy with you to Ocean City. As much as I love the warm comfort of a hairy pussy on my lap, I find that staying in close quarters with such a thing often sets my eyes and throat afire. While some would claim that this might just be a sign of unconscious affection, I assure you it is only evidence of sickness.
Please offer my apologizes to your dear parents. I certainly appreciate their kind offer of hospitality. In a similar vein, I would like to invite them to stay at our summer retreat in the City of Hudson. I would send such an invitation by electronic mail, but I am aware that their main residence is located in a rural part of this fine country that does not have access to the electricity or the Internet. Further, I understand that they carefully choose with whom they associate. Rest assured that they would be welcome to spent the entirety of their visit isolated in a separate bedroom with infrequent breaks to the kitchen to retrieve baloney sandwiches or whatever satisfies people of plain tastes. It is my hope that I may see them, albeit briefly, this summer.
With the utmost regards and respect (for your parents), Ms. Reisman's Husband
Unfortunately, this is just one of several plans I made to relax with friends and family that has unraveled most unpleasantly. Bah!