The 10th plague involved killing all first-born sons, including that of animals. (Once again, totally innocent bystanders.) The Angel of Death roamed the towns of Egypt, sparing no one. Except for those who had been warned in advance. Those people (the Jews) marked their doors with lamb's blood, and the Angel of Death passed over. I guess he is not down with lamb's blood. If ancient Egypt looked like a three bedroom penthouse suite at a hotel in Las Vegas, I imagine that the Angel of Death might have stalked its hallways much like this: angel of death "Woooo! I'm coming for you!!!" I can almost hear it saying in Husband's voice. (Don't ask me what the hell is going on over there or how Husband's friend got the free room upgrade. I don't understand it.)

Once the Egyptians suffered, Pharaoh called Moses in and told him to get everyone the fuck out of there. So they packed their shit up as fast as they could. This did not allow their delicious bread to rise, so their descendants are condemned to eat matzoh during Passover to show that we still feel the pain. Long story short, the Jews took off, and Pharaoh, back to his fickle self, changed his mind. He sent his army to bring them back. The Jews got to the Red Sea and despaired, because we are good divers (evidenced by Mark Spitz) but not good swimmers (Phelps? Not Jewish.) God told them to stop whining and created a path for them to cross through the Red Sea. Yay! The Egyptians followed. I picture a bad game of "Red Rover," with the Jews on the far side of the Sea linking hands and yelling, "Red Rover, Red Rover, let Pharaoh come over." The fool charges at the line, and whoops! God closes the sea back up and everyone drowns.

Which will bring me to my final point: anyone who says that God loves life and therefore is against abortion clearly has not read the Bible. So please sponsor me (or another person) in the National Abortion Access Bowl-a-Thon. For many women around the country, the ability to get a safe legal abortion is plagued with Bart Stupak, Operation Rescue, and other boils. Sadly, the pass to a quality clinic is harder to cross then the Red Sea.

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