Archive for December, 2009

Good Riddance

December 30th, 2009 by Suzanne | 1 Comment | Filed in Uncategorized

>Usually I am not too keen about New Year's Eve. In recent years, I
realized there is no reason to be giddy. The stroke of midnight does
not really change anything. Tomorrow will just be the same old shit.

After I wrote a post for BlogHer on feminism and gender in the aughts,
it struck me how exceptionally crappy the past decade was for women.
I don't expect things to miraculously improve soon, but I'm relieved
to leave those bad old days behind.

Onward.


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Ground Rules

December 28th, 2009 by Suzanne | 3 Comments | Filed in random

>Some time ago, I mentioned that when I was bored at a staff meeting in ye olden days, I decided to figure out which letter I would pick if I was forced to eat foods that only began with one letter for the rest of my life. After listing foods under each letter of the alphabet, I determined that C was the best option for me. Two main reasons: cheese and chocolate. Two secondary reasons: cookies and cake. S was a close second.

The problem with my system was that the rules were too loose. If someone picked S, would seafood count? How about sauteed mushrooms? Very tricky.

I gave this more thought this weekend when I said that if I could only eat one food for the rest of my life, it would be bureks. My friend’s husband pointed out that bureks don’t start with a C. Although I could have pointed out that this is a different challenge, I said I could eat cheese bureks, which are the best kind anyway.

This morning on the subway I refine the criteria to avoid cheating. The way it works is that if someone asks you what you are eating, and the answer makes sense, then it counts. For example, if someone chose F as her food, then went into a restaurant that had a fish special, she could order it if there was just one fish dish. It won’t matter if it’s salmon, cod, or trout. Her companion would say, “Hey, what are you getting?” and she’d say, “The fish.” But no one goes into a restaurant and orders seafood. (Well, unless it is a seafood platter, so there’s even wiggle room there.) If the category is too broad, it doesn’t count. Specific brand names are OK, though. So I chose M and ate a Mars Bar, that would be OK, even if generically speaking it is a candy bar. (Which brings me back to why C is still the best option.)

Those are my rules, and I’m sticking to them!

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Birthday Fiver

December 27th, 2009 by Suzanne | 3 Comments | Filed in random

>Despite the breakfast birthday cake and burek that sat in my stomach like a lead hockey puck, I accomplished my goal and ran five miles today. It took me slightly under 55 minutes, for which I’d like to blame the birthday cake and burek, but I’m just out of shape. It felt good to run, though.

Then I did what I promised myself I would do and sat on my ass for the rest of the day. It’s a shame because it was gorgeous outside, but that’s how it goes. I watched many home films from the olden days (early 1976 – about 1985) on my father-in-law’s film projector. I have about 10 more to go, then I’m having them transferred to DVD as a gift to my parents. What was cool was that I watched movies from my 1st, 2nd, 4th, and 5th birthdays on my 34th birthday. What was not cool was how much I miss all of the relatives in the movies who aren’t able to celebrate with me today.

Now I’m planning a trip home for January to see my grandmothers. I’m really, really worried about them. Husband told me that the TSA has new stupid rules that will do nothing to prevent situations like the one on the Detroit flight that inspired them, and he now refuses to fly. (Eye roll.) But really, forbidding people from using the bathroom during the last hour of a flight or having anything in their laps for the last 30 minutes is evil. I hope that some sanity prevails soon.

Whatever the case, my 33rd year pretty much sucked overall, so here’s hoping that 34 brings better times. And thanks to everyone on Facebook for the awesome birthday wishes!!!

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Mele Kalikimaka!

December 25th, 2009 by Suzanne | 1 Comment | Filed in Jewishness, random

>My friend from school invited Husband and I to Christmas Eve dinner last night. The food was excellent and company was fascinating. One guy belongs to a raw milk collective in NYC that contracts with an Amish farm in Pennsylvania to deliver raw milk and products to them. He said raw milk cottage cheese is unbelievable. He also said that donuts in Ireland are amazing. Interesting!

I’ve been fortunate enough to have some great Christmas Eves over the last few years. Husband and I were in southern California last year (although the temperature was freakishly low – in the 40s!). Actually, we were in New York on Xmas Eve – we left for California on the 25th. Two years ago (2007), we ate at a Denny’s on the big island of Hawaii (hence the title, which is Merry Christmas in Hawaiian). That was an awesome trip. The year before that, we watched season one of The Wire on DVD. OK, we finished watching The Wire on DVD at our apartment on Christmas Eve before we left for LA in 2008, not 2006. In 2006 I was at my parents’ house. I am so senile it is scary… And, finally, four years ago, we celebrated Christmas Eve with my friend Julie and her family in the Dominican Republic (2005).

Here’s hoping that everyone has a lovely Christmas.

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There’s Goes That

December 24th, 2009 by Suzanne | 3 Comments | Filed in Asshole idiots, random

>I decided in October to grow my hair a little longer. The guy who cuts my hair said that he’d cut it so it would grow back in stages. I loved it. I actually decided to keep it medium short, and went in for a trim this morning.

“Hey, I just want a little trim,” I told my stylist.

“Sure,” he said. Then he went outside to check out the traffic situation because there was a lot of honking. A few minutes later, he ran out to move his car before it got a ticket.

With all that disruption, he seemed to forget what I wanted because I am sitting here at my keyboard 90 minutes later with really short hair, depressed and wanting a paper bag to put over my head because not only is it shorter than I wanted, but it also is not that great. There are worse things in the world, but it’s really frustrating to think that I’m right back to where I was two months ago, except worse because he didn’t even cut it in a way that will grow back nicely.

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My Mom’s a Fruit Cake

December 23rd, 2009 by Suzanne | 3 Comments | Filed in hilarity

>”I’ve had a really hard time finding fruit cake at the store in the last few years,” my mom told me on the phone last night.

“Um, that is because no one except you buys fruit cake,” I explained.

She ignored me. “Fruit cake is the unfair butt of many jokes. It is delicious! Grandma likes it, too.”

It takes one to know one.

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End of a Decade

December 22nd, 2009 by Suzanne | 3 Comments | Filed in random

>I’m inspired by Count Mockula, who wrote a cool post about how her life has changed in the last decade. Here’s the story of my last ten years:

In 2000, I earned my Masters in Public Administration from Columbia, and I began my career in community development, working to build more child care centers to serve low income families in NYC. Also, after a two year engagement, Husband and I get married. I was 24 years old. We moved out of the 200 square foot apartment with no stove or oven that we called home for the prior three years and into a mansion – 450 square feet! Husband leaves his job at Bear Stearns, turns down a job at Cantor Fitzgerald on the 103rd floor of the World Trade Center, and enters the world of private equity.

Husband and I went on a belated honeymoon to London. Since I was convinced that I will never have the chance to go again, I insisted that we go to about 40 places a day. We came back to NYC on Sept. 9. Two days later, I stood on the corner of 5th Avenue and 12th Street and watched the World Trade Center burn. A few months later, I was hired by another nonprofit to start a new program dedicated to changing the way child care centers are developed and financed. My grandfather (my mom’s dad) died.

Overall, 2002 is unexciting. Husband and I buy an apartment. It cost $385,000, and is 900 square feet, with a large bedroom, huge living room, dining room, lots of closets, and a separate kitchen. A month later, the building manager sent a memo to all tenants that claims that common charges are rising by 50%, thus rendering the apartment unaffordable for us. I sobbed. Several days later, another memo comes, apologizing for the typo – the price increase is really only 5%. I developed a digestive ailment that prevented me from digesting fat, causing me to lose a lot of weight, smell like shit, and generally look like a zombie. It went away by the end of the year for the most part, and was never diagnosed.

Tycho the giant rabbit comes to live with us in 2003. That’s about all I remember about 2003 and 2004. I was pretty miserable due to the Bush administration destroying anything that was good about the US. The Cubs broke my heart. I discovered that my grandfather’s brother-in-law survived the Holocaust. Husband and I traveled to meet his family in France and Israel.

In 2005, my bestest friend Steph moved to North Carolina for graduate school. New York became 500% more boring. Husband and I celebrated being together for ten years. I joined the Haven Coalition, making two wonderful new friends, Sara and Mara. CUSS & Other Rants debuted Oct. 17, 2005. My cousin moved to New York to attend college. We hung out a lot.

After nearly five years, I burned out and left my job/threw my career into the toilet in Oct. 2006. (Before I quit, though, I went to Sacramento for a training, and met Count Mockula for dinner. My dad freaked out about me getting into a car with someone I met over the internet.) I decided to spend more time writing, and paid the bills with consulting gigs (and Husband’s income). My first freelance articles appeared in Metro New York. I took a crazy internship with a magazine dedicated to selling condos and expensive strollers to rich parents to get more clips. I realized that I am not cut out for magazine work. BlogHer hired me as a Contributing Editor. I attended my first BlogHer conference, meeting the excellent Suebob, who I continue to be shocked that I did not scare away forever. The Mets broke my heart.

In 2007, Husband’s boss started his own company. The good news: great opportunity for Husband! The downside: He has to commute to Connecticut. He obtained a red PT Cruiser to get to work, making me one of those New Yorkers who own a car upon whom I frown. My other bestest friend, Dr. P, moves to Florida for two years for a fellowship. Yet again, New York is 500% less fun. Steph moved back to the region, though, so that was good. The Mets broke my heart. Again.

My first book comes out in 2008! I also am accepted into the MFA program at the New School to study nonfiction after a stint on the wait list. Obama wins the presidency. Who are the Mets?

This past year, I had a disastrous experience re-entering the full-time workforce early on, but then got a much better position by year end. Despite Obama’s victory, I was more depressed by the political situation than ever. Dr. P moved back to New York state! My sister had a baby! My brother-in-law’s wife announced that she is pregnant! Husband and I renovated our apartment and installed a washing machine and dryer!

Throughout the decade, Husband proved me wrong when it came not only to returning to London (which I went to at least five more times), but also travel in general. I visited Argentina, Italy, India, France, Switzerland, Canada, the Dominican Republic, and Israel. Husband’s parents took us on a cruise through the Caribbean. In the US, I went to Hawaii, Cleveland, Memphis, San Francisco, LA, various locations in CA, Miami, Orlando, Chapel Hill, Boston, Philadelphia, various locations in upstate New York, Vermont, DC, Delaware, and of course Chicago and Iowa City.

The aughts had a lot of ups and downs, but it was certainly an interesting run. Thanks to everyone (named and unnamed) who made the ups worth so much!

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Swish

December 21st, 2009 by Suzanne | 2 Comments | Filed in Damn, random

>If I were a cat wearing corduroy pants, no one would need to tie a bell around my neck to warn the little animals that I was coming. The swishing sound that my pants make when my thighs rub together as I walk would alert them to my presence. Meow.

No matter what I weighed or looked like, “chub rub” (a term I learned from my friend Alex Elliot) has always bothered me. I can’t wear skirts without putting something (tights, shorts, whatever) between my bare flesh, otherwise my legs are red and burning within a few hours. Warm up pants are even noisier than corduroys. SWISH!

Now that I’ve got that out in the open, I’m off to pluck out my chin hairs. Such is life.

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Blizzard!

December 20th, 2009 by Suzanne | 4 Comments | Filed in Damn, random

>As of this middle of the night writing, New York City is expected to get up to 14 inches of snow. Husband and I had tickets to a Michael Jackson tribute show put on by my favorite cover band production house, The Loser’s Lounge. Before I left, I spoke with my family (via Skype – I feel so tech savvy, years after the fact…), and they suggested we stay in.

“Dudes, this is NYC!” I assured them. “The subway will be no problem.”

This was accurate. The subway came and got us there in a timely fashion.* It was actually nice to wander around as snow came down. The sidewalks and street were quiet, devoid of traffic. The show rocked. We had tea afterward, then journeyed through the blizzard home.

Anyway, the show was one reason why I hadn’t made plans to travel home this weekend. (Another reason is that my in-laws were supposed to come to our place in the afternoon and have a belated Hanukkah celebration, but that was canceled due to said blizzard. The main reason, though, is that I’m exhausted from school and work and writing and just needed to sit around and rest.) My sister and nephew are at my parents’ house this weekend, and I really wanted to go. Now I’m relieved that I didn’t make plans. Even if I got out last night or this morning, I can’t imagine being able to get back in time for work on Monday.

All that got me thinking about the passengers who are stranded at airports around the country due to the storm. I felt bad for them. Then I read an article on CNN.com that noted that Greyhound canceled 300 routes from New England to Jacksonville, FL, stranding lots and lots of people at Greyhound bus terminals. The Red Cross has been called for assistance. Yeah, that is one of my worst nightmares.

*This will no longer be possible in the spring. Thanks to gross mismanagement of the Metropolitan Transit Authority under 12 years of Republican “leadership,”** major service cuts are to be implemented.
**Although Husband points out that if Democrats were in control, the situation would be just as bad because the state is so fucking corrupt.

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On a Cold Saturday Morning

December 19th, 2009 by Suzanne | 1 Comment | Filed in Uncategorized

>Every day I wake up and think, "What can I do today that's morally
wrong?" Usually I fail spectacularly at committing moral outrages, but
this morning, I made good on my goal.

Planned Parenthood sought extra volunteers for one of their clinics
this morning. Last week, about a dozen people showed up to harass and
intimidate people going to the clinic, so they asked for more help
just in case those guardians of morality and saviors of the pure
unborn showed up again. It's been over 10 years since I've served as
a clinic escort, so I signed up for the 8:30 – 10 shift.

It is frigid in NYC these days, but I figured I'd be fine since I have
the fires of hell to keep me toasty. Alas, despite my moral failures
(and this is how one of the protesters described it to the cops when
they pulled her aside for following people to the door), I could
barely feel my feet at the end of my shift. I guess the protesters
are made of ice, as they were there before I got there and after I
left.

What really fascinated me, though, is that these protesters used signs
that I remember from my days doing clinic defense as a junior in high
school. I always liked the way a bowl of meat lasagna was crudely
altered to resemble a tiny head, which the sign proclaimed to be a
baby. It used to make me hungry. Turns out it still does. I guess
killing babies really works up my appetite.


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Blog: www.cussandotherrants.com
Book: www.offthebeatensubwaytrack.com

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