>One of today's specials listed on the wipe board outside the diner near my gym is goulash over noodles. I just like how that sounds. It sort of describes the customer service I received at the post office last week.

"I'd like to buy insurance for this letter," I told the postal clerk when I stepped up to the window. I tried very hard not to be distracted by the lipstick smeared all over her face, but it was difficult.

"You can't buy insurance for a letter," she intoned.* The lipstick smear moved up and down, hypnotizing me.

"What? But I want to insure this," I was confused.

"We don't insure any letters," the lipstick smear was upside down now, frowning at my stupidity. "What's in the envelope?"

"A gift card," I replied.

"Who buys gift cards these days? Doesn't everyone know what a scam they are?" she ranted while selling me a certified delivery service. "You just lose money on them, whether they expire or they charge you monthly rates for not using it. Gift cards are a big scam!"

"Um, whatever." My eyes darted to either side of me. Could this be one of those postal workers who goes, well, postal? "Thanks for your help."

"No problem. Want anything else? Stamps?" the lipstick smiled.

Yeah, how about some sanity? I thought. Fortunately, Crazy McCrazyson sent the letter along, and Des received her birthday present. From now on, I order gift cards online and have the companies send them directly, the way God intended.

*FYI - According to the USPS website, you cannot insure a letter sent via Standard Mail. However, I would've upgraded to priority mail happily so I could get insurance had the option been offered to me.

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