>If women who lead men on are known as cock teases, are women who falsely set off the gaydar of others then twat teases? If so, that would be me. I don't mean to do this, but it seems that my style of dress, hair cut, and manners put me on the positive register.

Yesterday I went with my aunt and her two friends, a hetero couple in their mid- to late 50s, to the Chicago Gay Pride Parade. Despite rain and other parade interruptions, it was a lot of fun. (As an aside, it boggles my mind how fucking political these things are in Chicago. The Chicago Metropolitan Water Reclaimation District had a float in the parade, for fuck's sake.) During one of the long delays, my aunt chatted up the people sitting around us.

"My niece lives in New York," she said and pointed to me.

The man missing a tooth turned to me. "Oh, are you from Long Island?"

I made a sour face. "No!"

"Oh, I'm sorry why are you so offended?" he asked.

"Well, when you think of Long Island, what do you think of?"

"Snobs!" he said cheerfully.

"Yeah, so youo can see why I am offended!"

"Oh, honey! You're gay, so it's different!"

I started to tell him that I was actually not gay, but then stopped myself. What did I care if he thought I was a dyke? Plus, I would way rather be a dyke than a snob from Long Island. He then introduced me to all his friends, who were very fine people and we started talking about New York and that I wrote a book. If they look at my website, though, they will be very surprised to see that I live in NYC with my husband. Oh well.

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