>Dear Internet Marketing Professionals:

Thank you for reaching out to me to help promote your products. I am flattered by your claim that you came across my site (and even specified CUSS in your email to me) earlier today, and really enjoyed reading my posts, but I suspect that you are not exactly being honest with me. If you really read my content, you would probably know that CUSS is not relevant and appealing to the audience that you are looking to reach, and that, for example, sending me a flat iron to review is not a good idea for a variety of reasons.* On the other hand, if you really think it is a good idea for someone who just wrote about walking around with hair so greasy that she resembled a homeless person to write about your hair care and styling products, who am I to say no?

This is not to say that I am unwilling to receive free products and share my thoughts regarding these items with my blog reading friends. However, in the interests of saving your spambots time, let me outline some parameters. If your product falls into any of these categories, please email me with effuse praise about CUSS and offers for sample goods:

A. Fake mustaches: I love me a good fake mustache. Is yours the best?
B. Tweezers: I hate me some real whiskers on my chin and jaw. Is yours the most effective?
C. Dansko shoes: Supportive shoes are important to me, but how do I know what style is best unless I try a wide variety?
D. Lucky Brand Jeans: Generally, your jeans and cords make me ass look great, but like Dansko shoes, how do I know which styles are the most flattering if I can't model a cross section of your brand?
E. Yogurt: I'm a bit behind on my yougurt review blog, but very committed to updating it. Coupons for free yogurt are always welcome!
F. Spanx bras: I swear that the bra I have in beige is the greatest bra I've ever worn, but maybe it is nicer in black?
G. Airline tickets: Since I currently only fly American Airlines because of the frequent flier miles Husband accumulates, free tickets on your airline will allow me to investigate whether your bathrooms in business class smell fresh.

If any of these items are a good fit with your company, I very much look forward to hearing from you. Thanks again for your interest in CUSS.


*These reasons include: 1. I have short hair. How the hell would I use a flat iron on it? 2. The odds are high that I will mock the crap out of the flat iron.