>(Cue the Wierd Al music.)

When I was in 5th grade, a reporter from the Wall Street Journal came to my school (Marie Murphy Jr. High, a regular public school for upper-middle class, upper class and Jewish White trash kids from the community, not a Catholic school although everyone thinks it is based on the name) and interviewed a batch of us girls about weight. I was so tubby that jeans would not fit me; I wore pink or purple sweatpants all the time. My mom, however, was super thin (always has been) and often after washing her jeans found that she could only zip them while lying down and using pliers. I mentioned this to the reporter. It appeared in the article as, "One girl's mother even uses pliers to zip up her jeans."

My mom read that and beamed. "Look Suzanne, someone else's mother needs pliers to close her jeans!"

I looked her square in the eye and replied, "Uh mom? That's you."

(End song. Thanks to Opiate for the Masses for inspiring this memory and sharing session.)