>Q: What's more socially awkward than me at a big launch party for The Panelist where I don't know many people?
A: Me at a big launch party for The Panelist where I don't many people and I have the most toxic gas known to man.

I spent the day mostly holding my gas in because I don't want to get fired from my internship because I killed the associate editor after she asphyxiated because she could not breathe in the foul air I created. When I arrived home in the evening, I hoped that non-stop farting would empty the gas pocket before I left for the party. Husband came home 45 minutes later.

"What smells so awful?" he asked as he walked into the apartment.

"Sorry, I was farting in the kitchen," I replied meekly.

"Damn, woman!" he exclaimed. I think he was partly impressed.

Unfortunately, the gas I released merely stank up my domicile. It did not go away by the time we left for the event. You know things are bad when you fart outside in a strong wind and you can still smell it. In the wind competition, I beat Mother Nature.

I did a nice job holding back for 90 minutes while on the subway and at the party, but I thought I should leave before I poisoned my friend's apartment. I was horribly uncomfortable. Plus, I couldn't risk losing my other writing gig by gassing the publisher, editor, and all of their friends and supporters.

I hope I'll be better in the morning, but if you are supposed to have plans with me later today, bring a gas mask. Don't say I didn't warn you.