>Husband and I were watching Heroes (BEST. MINDFUCK. SHOW. EVER! Or at least in recent times…) when an Ambien commercial came on. It deceitfully depicted a man and woman in bed tossing and turning, and then after taking Ambien, sleeping restfully and peacefully. No one was shown in a midnight raid on his fridge that seemed like a grizzly bear scavenged through a campsite. There was no one seen sitting at her computer ordering $400 of crap on the internet. Neither actor in the ad projectile vomited a digested ham and cheese sandwich and apple that she ate at the airport before boarding her flight to London and an extremely oily chicken and pasta dish, iceberg lettuce “salad,” and roll that she ate on the plane. I can’t believe they are allowed to lie about their product so blatantly!

What I did learn from the advert (as they’d say in London) was that people are not supposed to take Ambien unless they can commit to at least seven hours of sleep. Huh. So when I downed the pill an hour or so into a six hour flight, that probably was not so good. It also probably explains why I was so out of it for the rest of day. After I threw up in the potted plant while going through passport control at Heathrow, I insisted that if I just put my contacts in, I’d be fine to take the subway (aka “tube” aka “underground”) to Mara’s place. Needless to say, Sara was rather skeptical about this assertion.

We stopped at the bathroom, and she waited with our stuff while I peed, and vice versa. I put my glasses away and put in my contacts, waiting for what passes for normalcy for me to return to my senses. When Sara came out of the bathroom, I was still waiting. Shocked, I told her that somehow wearing my contacts did not cure me of my wooziness, and I agreed to take a taxi. She was very relieved that I somehow arrived at a logical conclusion. When we got into a taxi, I basically passed out for the entire ride.

Yeah, so as Dianne pointed out last night when I told her about the rest of my Ambien tripping, it is pathetically obvious that I never experimented with any sort of drugs in my life, nor should I consider doing so.