>The world is full of oxymorons. For example, did last week seem to simultaneously drag on forever and yet be over instantly? I’m not sure how that manages to happen.

Since the first week of the new year is done and gone, I thought reflect upon my new year’s resignations. I didn’t make any resolutions because I’m not resolved to make changes in my life; I’m resigned to them. At the end of last year, I finally received an official diagnosis on one of my mystery ailments, which is polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). PCOS is a lot like Iraq right now: the rat bastard cyst insurgents have control of my ovaries, and from there are occupying parts of my adrenal system. Hence I am in need of excess insulin to properly process sugars, which means that eventually my pancreas is going to throw its hands up in disgust, refuse to take any more abuse, and just stop working. To help the overtaxed pancreas continue to do the right thing for as long as possible, I need to switch to a low carb diet. That’s my resignation.

So far, I have been very carefully watching what I eat. Yes, I watch as I stuff all sorts of food in my gullet. Sure, I am reducing carbs, but somehow replacing them (almost) solely with cheese. I do love cheese. My ass, both literally and figuratively, does not. It has been smelly new year thus far.