>To help me prepare for the headless, armless, and legless version of me as a lingerie model for tonight's big Anti-Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, I checked out the competition's online sneak peak. I learned three important things:

1. Obnoxiously loud techno music is featured at the real deal tonight, as well as "the breakout musical performance of the decade," which they seem to believe is Justin Timberlake "bringing sexy back." (Can you stop laughing at this idea? I can't.)

2. Although print ads and their own sneak preview shows last year's fantasy bra being modeled (my special investigation of the fantasy bra from last year, which involved calling the fantasy hotline, which is answered by a regular Victoria's Secret phone order employee, I was disappointed to discover - shouldn't it be a special line if you are going to spend millions of dollars on a bejeweled titsling? - revealed that although it will be custom-fit to the buyer, the 2005 was not sold), a quick search on the Victoria's Secret website revealed the brand new 2006 fantasy bra! You will be thrilled to know that it is over 800 carats and retails for $6.5 million. (Sorry, other holiday offers are not applicable to the fantasy bra.) Thank goodness there is slave labor in Africa to mine these diamonds, of which the sale finances horrible civil wars!

3. It is appropriate to wear a shrug with one's bra. (A shrug is usually worn on the shoulders with strapless gowns to keep the wearer's arms warm, but still show off the stylish dress because a shrug does not cover the torso like a plain old sweater does.) I do not understand this apparatus at all.

Now I am off to Vicky's to purchase some bra shrugs and other items for the anti-Victoria's Secret Fashion Show tonight. Stay tuned!

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