>Does anyone else have the special ability to go from 0 to 250 in four seconds flat? I don’t mean with a vehicle; I’m talking emotionally. As I sat down to a lovely lunch with a friend, my cell phone rang. Instead of being rude and answering the phone, I let it go to voicemail. When I checked my phone after lunch, it was the manager of my building calling back in “response” to the message I left him yesterday.

I say “response” instead of response because his message had nothing to do with what I had asked when I called, as far as I can tell. However, maybe I am overreacting. (You know how hysterical women can get.) How about I recount my request and his response, and you all tell me if wanting to beat this man is not appropriate:

Suzanne (yesterday): Hello, I am calling regarding the construction in the apartment above mine. I am concerned because I can hear debris falling in the interior walls of my apartment from whatever they are doing above, and I don’t think that should be happening. Thus far, nothing has fallen into my living space yet, but if you can look into what they are doing up there and get back to me, that would be great. Thank you.

Asshole Building Manager (today, in flippant tone): I’m returning your call from yesterday regarding the noise in the apartment above you. As you know, this is a sponsor unit and he is renovating it so that he can sell it. Renovations are often noisy, so there is nothing we can do about that. Once he completes the renovations, he’ll sell the unit, which will benefit the building overall to have it owner-occupied. The work should be done soon, so don’t worry.

Now, did I say one word about having a problem with the noise? No. Oh wait – I said that I could hear debris fucking falling into my unit. Thus I must be complaining about how noisy it is when shit falls from the apartment above me into my unit. And I also appreciate the extremely condescending explanation of what happens when the sponsor sells a unit since I obviously have no understanding of how co-operative apartments work. I apologize for expecting you to listen to my entire message (which I suspect did not happen) and act on my concerns. Perhaps I should wait to call until my ceiling caves in.

What a silly little girl I am!

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