>Halloween means that it is time to reach into the back of my closet and dust off the dirndl. Ah, the dirndl. About five or six years ago, back when I had hair long enough to braid, Husband and I hosted an Oktoberfest party. We wanted to look “authentic,” so he bought a Tyrolean hat at a costume shop, an Alpine-looking vest at the City Opera thrift shop, and fashioned some lederhosen out of a pair of shorts and suspenders. Of course, no German costume would be complete without a fake mustache. (Unfortunately, I can’t show this online, but it looks a lot like what Amy Poehler referred to as “a thin vagina mustache” when she described Brazilian waxing in Bust magazine.)

I found a dirndl on eBay. At first, being the cheap bastard I am, I was not willing to spend the $25 required to win the damn outfit. My logic was that I would only wear it once. Also, it seemed that the frock would either just fit me or just not fit me. In the end, it was so awesome that I threw all caution to the wind and got it, and it turned out to be one of those brilliant purchases that you can milk for years, even though it seemed wildly impractical at the time.

Basically, the dirndl and I were meant to find each other. It had been altered before I received it (and not by a talented tailor, either - the seams inside the dress are a disaster), but it fit me exactly, like it had been tailored for me specifically. Sure it was tight, but dirndl’s are supposed to fit like a second skin, which brings me to today.

When I first wore the dirndl, I was at the start of my mysterious digestive ailment and working out a lot and in great shape. (Of course, I thought I was fat back then. Sigh.) I am not so svelte these days, and not sure I could stuff myself into the dress for yet another year. Lo and behold, although I look slightly demented, can barely breathe, and had to re-pin the apron hooks in the back to give me another half inch or so, but I am in it. I think I need to stay away from the candy, though, unless I want to burst out of it before tonight.

Happy Halloween!

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