>While the “average” woman annoys the crap out of me (as does the “average” man – it is all a part of my general hatred of people), we have a few things in common. In the past I mentioned my inappropriate obsession with whether I look fat or not, which bothers me because I know that this doesn’t matter at all and my weight has never stopped me from doing anything I wanted to. (When I was significantly overweight, I: earned a scholarship and attended college, began dating Husband, graduated magna cum laude, was offered a scholarship to attend Fordham Law School, and had several job offers.) The only thing that is fat is the waste of time thinking about it.

The other thing I fret about that the “average” woman (meaning: someone who actually reads Cosmo and other magazines for advice on life) also generates frown lines over is whether I look old. Scratch that – I don’t even want to look my actual age, which is not remotely old at all. I was spoiled by my excessively youthful appearance back in the day when I really was youthful, and it is weird to me to not be considered that way any more. Not that I do anything to prevent the aging process. I only use moisturizer when my skin is so dry that my face is literally cracking off. My hatred of beauty industry products far exceeds my desire to not look 40 when I am actually 40, although not my interest in not terrifying people with a detaching face.

This is the complicated part. While I was delighted yesterday when the salesguy at Bloomingdale’s called me “young lady” (as in, “Would you like to try those dresses on, young lady?” which makes me wonder what young lady has $400+ to blow on a fucking dress. Yeesh.), I also want to look my age once I’ve earned some wisdom. The dilemma, then, is not to wrinkle up before I hit official sagedom. In the meantime, it is OK with me if people think that I am somewhere between the ages of 14-16. (At work, I always enjoyed surprising people at meetings when I could see that they were thinking, “Who the fuck is this kid?” and then I’d say something particularly knowledgeable or insightful. The looks on their faces was priceless.)

The life stages between “guru” and “idiot youth” are tough ones in so many ways, no?