>Only in the past year did I figure out that padded bras serve a purpose other than to make your chest bigger. For many years, I’d see padding in huge bra sizes. As I busty girl myself, my strategy was to do everything in my power to minimize the rack, so I couldn’t imagine who would want to endanger the sight of small children by wearing a padded size 44 DD bra. Not that they would go blind by seeing a woman with boobs each the size of Mt. Kilimanjaro, but that their eye-level is lower than that of adults, and a woman wearing such a contraption might accidentally poke their eyes if she was not looking where she was going.

Then I discovered that some padding is merely added to help hide erect nipples. It seems that while some women have no problem keeping the cherries on top of their scoops of ice cream in check, many of us can’t rely on our nipples to behave in public and not poke through our shirts. I never had problems with this until a few years ago, and I didn’t know what to do about it. It’s just too weird to go to work and have your chest be perkier than most of your co-workers are before they’ve had their first cup of coffee. One of my wise friends informed that me a bra with light padding would keep me respectable. (What would I do without friends?)

On the other hand, the people who dictate “fashion” to us seem to love big pointy nipples on big boobs. It seems that nipplage is in style. I walked down the street in San Francisco recently and saw a mannequin in a store window with nipples the size of acorns, jabbing through a sweater. Personally, I wasn’t sure that any real woman had nipples that impressive, and if she did, why she’d want them practically begging for spare change through her top.

Then I remembered Steph’s friend who we’ll call Kitty. Kitty really did have nipples that big, if not bigger; her nipples were totally out of control. That didn’t stop her from wearing extremely tight shirts, though. Sometimes you’d be in a room with her and her nipples were so prominent that it seemed like she had attached a rock on top of each boob. I suppose that some find that sexy (nipples are always rock hard and ready for some tweaking in porn movies), but this was just freaky. Husband said it was like her nipples were watching you; like the eyes of a portrait in a haunted mansion, they’d follow you around the room. “I couldn’t escape the glare of her nipples, wherever I went,” he complained after a party.

There’s no point to this. I just find it funny.