>Catherine the Great, the Empress of Russia from 1762 to 1796, had a voracious sexual appetite and was way ahead of her time in demanding that it be sated. It is a fallacy (snigger) that Catherine died while having sex with a horse when the horse fell on her, but her adoration of huge dicks is well documented. Her two most trusted court ladies were expected to audition lovers for Catherine, passing on only the biggest and most satisfying cocks for her to enjoy. Catherine figured out ways to accommodate the giants in her average sized vagina, but not without health risks. At least one lover had a penis so huge that it fucked around her cervix and banged the uterus directly. Her physician eventually had to ban Catherine from having sex with men like this because of the internal damage it caused.

Despite Catherine’s experience, I’d never thought about the potential upset that happens when people who want to get it on discover that one size does not fit all. I was minding my own business reading Entertainment Weekly one day a few years ago when my friend Steph called. I knew she had some juicy gossip because she started cackling evilly the moment that I got on the phone. It seems that Stella’s friend Maggie started dating this (creepy) guy who had a ginormous cock. I thought that would please Maggie, but she told Steph that she was worried because Ned preferred women with “big vaginas” since he was so impossibly humongous. Maggie herself had a small vagina and preferred men with small dicks because they didn’t painfully bump her cervix as much during sex. Could they be compatible, or would her small vagina not accommodate enough of his immense schlong, causing irreparable blue balls and the end of the relationship?

They did break up eventually, but I don’t think that it was due to the genital size mismatch directly. (It was because he was caught fucking his ex in the ass in the shower. My guess is that Ned’s ex’s ass was no larger than Maggie’s vagina, hence the smallness of her orifice could not even be used as a pathetic excuse for him to cheat on her.) The important point is that until Maggie confided in Steph, and Steph shared it with me (and possibly everyone else she knew because she hated Ned and doubted that his dick was anywhere near as big as he claimed), I hadn’t given a lot of thought to size. Thus, I suppose that size does matter, but not in the way that people usually assume.

I hope that this conclusion will be widely adopted by men, and that will then stop the enormous amount of junk mail that I receive from spammers informing me that I can “enlarge my penis” with their product. As I said ages ago, I am very happy with the size of my penis, thank you very much.