>A few years ago, I began seeing a GI about extremely noxious gas that I emitted. Then (as now) it smelled like a small furry animal somehow died in my ass (I swear I am no Richard Gere and have no idea how it got there!) and the odor of its rotting corpse was seeping out. My GI did not want to do an endoscopy because he felt that it would be inconclusive and he didn't want to subject me to an invasive procedure. While I appreciated the sentiment, I decided after about a year that I should seek a second opinion.

The new GI I saw wanted to perform an endoscopy immediately. At that point in time, however, I was on a modified diet and thus - surprise, suprise - the endoscopy came back inconclusive. I hung my tail between my legs and went back to my original GI, who through various medicines kept things mostly under control. Lately things have been worse than usual though. It is not good when you are going through a roll of toilet paper every other day. (Forget the toll on my body, do you know how expensive toilet paper is in NYC?!?! I'll be broke if I don't stop shitting!) The GI decided it was time for an endoscopy.

I'm not leaving things to chance this time. I suspect that what triggered my latest series of shit geysers was a scrumptious BBQ seitan (wheat gluten used for fake meats) sandwich I ate a few weeks ago. Since I want plenty of evidence for this endoscopy, I decided I should eat as much seitan as I can before the test on Thursday. Hence I had a yummy lunch of balck pepper seitan this afternoon.

You do not want to enter my apartment this evening without a gas mask.