>I was ingesting my brain candy (a.k.a. Entertainment Weekly) on the subway ride home from work last night when I came across an article on Brian De Palma. “Oh, how interesting,” I thought. His new movie, The Black Dahlia, seems right up my alley. Ever since there was an episode of Hunter (my favorite show after The Golden Girls when I was in junior high; I loved watching Hunter while I babysitting, and often called my Hebrew school crush Jeremy Weiner and we’d watch it over the phone together) about the Black Dahlia, I have been intrigued by this gruesome unsolved mystery.

Anyway, one of my favorite features in Entertainment Weekly is when a famous director or actor goes over his/her track record of past movies, and this is what the article about De Palma entailed. Unfortunately, as a result, I hate Brian De Palma. He incurred my unquenchable wrath by saying:

In any movie, as soon as you see a girl, you’re waiting for her to take her clothes off. You’ll sit there and watch her forever for this to happen. I get attacked for putting women in jeopardy and having them get attacked, but I’m sorry, if I’m going to photograph someone in peril, showing a woman in a negligee holding a candelabra is a lot more interesting to me than some guy walking around with a flashlight.

No, I’m sorry. You, Mr. DP, might go to movies and wait for women to get naked, but I sure as fuck don’t go to movies for that reason. I’m fairly sure that a sizeable chunk of the population (oh, let’s say about 50%) don’t see a woman (not girl, you shit fuck, unless you are directing child porn) and wait with bated breath for her titties to appear and for a glimpse of the cooch. Maybe your career has seen its ups and downs since you seem to have absolutely zero regard for entertaining the audience, which is probably something a filmmaker might want to consider.

When I am a famous director, I think I would find it much more interesting to show Brian De Palma naked and getting fucked up by some demented killer. Chicks in lingerie getting raped and killed are so cliché. Make like the douche bag you are, sir, and get some fresh ideas. Just a suggestion.

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