>Husband is convinced of the miraculous powers of Neosporin. Got a paper cut? He will immediately rush over to you with Neosporin and a Band-Aid. Have a sore throat? He will frown and wonder how you can get Neosporin in there. Perhaps with a Q-Tip…Asthma attack? Now he’ll really be concerned because there’s no way to get Neosporin into your lungs, but hopefully your inhaler will work. And any mysterious digestive ailments would definitely be fixed if one could shove some Neosporin up one’s ass.

For the last three weeks, I have had bouts of very aggravating insomnia. I really am to the point where rubbing Neosporin on my eyes seems like a good idea. (Perhaps that is due to sleep deprivation more than desperation, but still.) Mara, who is visiting from London and staying with us, also woke up last night (she’s preggers and has to pee a hundred times a night) and advised me to try going through the alphabet and matching an animal to each letter. It worked pretty well, although some of the animals I came up with were scary. (H is for hyena; J is for jackal.) Burned less than Neosporin, at any rate.