>What have I done to so offend the gods of fashion that they continually inflict their vengeance upon me? I mean, other than eat on a regular basis? Meals that consist of significantly more than leafy greens? (And usually in fact are comprised of no leafy greens or any vegetables of any sort.) The sins of a few cookies hardly merit the punishment meted out in the form of the skinny pants.

Anyone who has recently walked by a Gap store knows that skinny pants (a.k.a. “Skinny jeans” when constructed from denim) are insanely tight legged pants. The Gap calls their version of this monstrosity the “Audrey Pant,” probably because only people with Hepburn’s stick physique can pull off this crime against women. (We all know who many millions of women fit that description. Yes, about seven. Not seven million. Seven.)

I survived a summer of “dress shorts” (cuffed suit pants that end at the knee, thus enabling women to think that it is acceptable to wear shorts to work since they are facsimiles of actual pants and therefore people might not notice) and gauchos for this? Bah! I am going to stuff my craw with falafel, as the gods of fashion hate me anyway.