>In America, we like our women’s breasts like our SUVs and serving sizes of food: the bigger, the better. This has led to enormous growth in the breast implant industry. God forbid any woman should have to live with the shame and sin of having small or even medium-sized tits. Such mistakes of nature can and should be fixed! Financing is available, of course.

The problem with fake boobs is that they all too often look, um, fake. Really bad fake boobs float like oval balloons embedded in someone’s chest with nipples grafted on to them. I’m not sure what makes them attractive to anyone, particularly when they are so big that they visibly stretch the skin to its elastic limit. I’d be terrified to handle boobs that look like they’d explode into my face like a saline Mt. St. Helens. I also seriously question the ethics of doctors who agree to give a woman breasts that are each the size of a small child. Putting fake boobs on people that could flood a small town if ruptured poses some serious risks posed to both society at large and to women’s bodies. Doesn’t the Hippocratic oath say “Do no harm?”

Like the waxed snatch trend, I’m not going to stop any adult women who really feel that breast implants will improve their lives in some way. The more women who buy into this demented idea that big boobs will solve your problems, the more pressure there is on other women to look that way to fit in or whatever. And the fact that money seems to flow for shit like this when there are so many real medical problems out there that are consistently ignored is even more troubling. Is it not a bit fucked up that you can easily secure financing for the life threatening condition of too small boobs but not for a mastectomy for women with breast cancer?

Just saying.

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