As demonstrated time and time again by Theo (skim through December for more pictures/proof if you must), most of underwear has elastic bands around the legs. Unfortunately, my ass and thighs grew exponentially over the past month or so. Who knew that eating tons and tons of crap due to stress would result in an increase in assage and thick thighs?

The consequence of my chipmunk (ass) cheeks and thunder thighs is that the leg bands on my drawers are cutting off my circulation. Even grosser (and thus more importantly), it is creating assne. I created a few escape valves by strategically cutting into the leg band stitching. Yes, this is what it has come to folks, but it works and is cheaper than buying all new skivvies.