>Picture it: New York City, 2006. On a perfect evening filled with sunshine and cool breezes, a not-so-young woman leaves work after a long day of strategizing public policy and griping. When she finally arrives at her homey, messy apartment, she wants nothing more than to take a nap. But duty calls (I said doodie – ha ha ha), and she gives a big orange carrot to her hungry 12.5 lb. rabbit, then races about to gather paperwork to meet The Explorer and the Co-Coordinator and get a new cellvphone for the volunteer organization they oversee. She wants to change from her cute multi-patterned knee-length skirt that she bought in Israel (and the navy boxers with penguins on them to prevent chub rub on her flabby thighs) into a pair of jeans. That is when it all falls apart.
You see, the not-so-young woman put on a pair of granny underpants that morning that were perfect with her skirt. Yet these same ginormous underwear are too big for jeans. They hang out over the top, which actually was a problem with all her undies when she first started wearing low rise jeans until she modernized her underwear a bit and stopped wearing pairs she had when she weighed 40 additional pounds. But I digress… In this situation, the not-so-young woman was wearing a new fancy pair of granny pants that she had purchased to avoid a divided gutline on skirts with higher waists and dresses. She did not know what to do and after putting on pair after pair and casting them aside, she hysterically reclothed herself in the skirt (and boxers) she wore to work, and headed out the door, forgetting the important paperwork for the meeting in her rush.
When she explained that she left the paperwork on her dining room table instead of putting it in her backpack because she was having a nervous breakdown due to her underwear, the Co-Coordinator and the Explorer stared at her as if she was on crack. “Um,” they suggested, “Why didn’t you just change your underwear?”
The not-so-young woman sighed. “Because I hadn’t worn this pair enough. It was not the proper time to change my underwear.” She answered as if it were a logical and normal conclusion that her friends should have reached.
“How many pairs of underwear do you have?” they asked, squinting at her quizzically. They had the correct impression that she had tons of underwear and should not hoard them for fear of running low.
They were correct, but the not-so-young woman explained that she did not like to unnecessarily generate extra laundry and thus had a rule that underwear should be worn for a full day or unless they were rendered too sweaty by activity, such as going to they gym.
The Explorer and the Co-Coordinator laughed and laughed and hugged the young woman and told her she was hilarious. Later, Dr. P arrived and had the same reaction to the story. It was suggested by all that it was blog-worthy, and she agreed. Two days later, she adopted the Sophia Petrillo narration devise and amused herself to no end while retelling the saga.