>When I got the mail yesterday evening, I was surprised to find an envelope from Mother-in-Law (MiL). Whatever could this be? I wondered. Once inside my apartment (mere steps from the mailboxes in our building), I greedily ripped it open. It was a coupon for a FREE pair of cotton undies from the Victoria’s Secret PINK collection (solid colors only; up to $7.50 value), with a cute note from MiL indicating that she felt too old for Victoria’s Secret. (PS – You are not. They actually have decent cotton undies, as demonstrated by Theo and the Giant Stuffed Penis on Thursday, December 22, but thank you for the coupon.) I can choose from bikini, string bikini, thong, or v-string in black, white, or pink. Cool! I so love free underwear!

The first step is to determine what the hell makes PINK collection underwear so special. You’d think maybe the undies are all pink, but a quick check of my favorite online purveyor of underwear revealed that, no, they are not. They also seem to have nothing in common at all other than the slogan “Victoria’s Secret PINK panties inspire panty envy.” As I looked at the pictures of PINK underpants, I did not notice the underwear that I was wearing getting jealous at all. Maybe they inspire panty envy from women who are not wearing underwear at all.

Since there is no way in hell that I am buying a thong or v-string, that leaves me with two choices: bikini or string bikini. I happen to have made the mistake of purchasing string bikini undies from Victoria’s Secret several years ago (see the last picture, December 7, 2006 - Dr. P and I split a 5-for-$20 deal), and there is not much that is sexy about my flab hanging out over the tops and bottoms of the string as it cuts into my fat hips. (Trust me, Theo looks way better.) That leaves me with a new pair of pink bikini undies! Very exciting stuff. Thanks MiL!!!