>[Incidentally, The Cruise is an excellent documentary about a brilliant mentally ill man who works as a tour guide in New York City. I highly recommend it.]

Anyway, my cruise so far has been both uneventful and also slightly disturbing. It is the first cruise I have been on, and it is a lot like a floating Disney World. Everything feels like a contrived version of reality. Each nightclub is stylishly decorated, yet feels so forced in its attempt to be cool that it is laughable. The “ethnic” restaurants feature wait staff in stereotypical “ethnic” outfits. I can only get WiFi on three floors and out on one deck. Why the fuck not in my room? Sigh.

When I arrived in my room, I noticed a sticker on the toilet lid warning that any refuse flushed down the toilet other than TP can “RESULT IN SERIOUS BLOCKING OF YOUR TOILET and will affect up to 50 other toilets on the same pipe line.” (That was a direct quote.) Later last night, I had a serious digestive explosion that I was a bit worried would result in “SERIOUS BLOCKING” of my toilet and another 50 toilets. Of course, the thought made me laugh hysterically. Can you imagine explaining to the crew that the “SERIOUS BLOCKING” was the result of a ginormous turd and its entourage? Fortunately, it flushed OK.

The most exciting thing I have encountered thus far is a meeting scheduled at 1:00 pm today for the Masons. How crazy is that? The Masons really are everywhere. (Maybe they are behind the black helicopters that nutty conspiracy theorists are always insisting will declare martial law and take over the country...) I really want to go to the meeting. Is it completely wrong that the thing that excites me most thus far about a cruise to the Caribbean is an onboard Masons meeting?