>A brilliant artist friend of mine in Chicago sent me this around Xmas:

If you are lucky enough to be receiving this email, it means I think you can take a healthy dose of Christmastime blasphemy. So, without further ado, I present you with the Blowfish catalogue's (a sex toy/supply catalogue) description of the Jackhammer Jesus:

"Jesus fucking Christ. Literally. This extremely blasphemous dildo features a fairly realistic dickhead at the tip, and a crucifix complete with a figure of our crucified Lord at the base. A very hefty dildo with lots of ridges and bulges, it's perfect for playing debauched priest, naughty nun, or re-enacting The Exorcist. The Blowfishies are all convinced that we're going straight to hell for carrying this toy..."

OK, I also admit that when I first looked at this online, I was highly confused. How the fuck is a cross going to feel good in anyone’s snatch or ass, I wondered. Then I realized that I was looking at the handle. Sometimes I am an idiot.

Blowfish is an equal opportunity offender, so they also sell Buddha, Devil, and Grim Reaper dildos. I wish they had the Lubavitcher Rebbe so I can wander around Brooklyn offending my bearded and bewigged brothers and sisters in religion.