Someone fabulous* forwarded these pictures to me, and I almost spit water all over my monitor when I saw them. My spit take was a combination of guffawing and the urge to puke from all the airbrushing on these pictures. Not only does it make the model look like she's as smooth as a newborn, but she should clearly eat a few of the candies instead of wearing them.

Later that evening while I was at the gym, I saw February’s Esquire, which had a handy gift giving guide to lingerie just in time for Valentine’s Day. Some lingerie “expert” (and what the fuck is that? I wear underwear too – am a lingerie expert?) said that most women wear thongs, and guys should feel good about giving one to their ladies. The expert said to find one with a narrower band in the ass for comfort. How thoughtful. The cover picture had this insanity from Victoria’s Secret, which has a ginormous ass bow (slightly obscured by the textbox over it):I was shocked – shocked! – that the candy undies were not included. I guess they are not nearly as classy as the giant bow thong featured as a good gift. (It is kind of cute, but how does one sit while wearing this? I just don’t understand. What happened to worrying about your lady’s comfort?) Another perfect Valentine's Day gift overlooked by Esquire:

The candy pasties totally are hilarious. Crap, I’m tempted to run over to Condomania and drop $9.95 on them myself. I have no idea what I would do with candy pasties, but they are just too good to pass up, you know?

*(Many thanks – I hope to send you something from this fine collection for your Wak Candy Museum, which sounds great.)