>I am pleased to report that I picked up what is one of the most ridiculous pairs of underwear ever made in Santo Domingo for 60 pesos (slightly under $2.00 US). I’d say that they were the most ridiculous pair ever, but that honor goes to another pair of underwear sold in the same shop for 1500 pesos (came with a matching bra) that were essentially a crotchless g-string with a furry circle surrounding the crotchless opening that exposes shaved snatch. I asked my friend J. why on earth a person would shave her snatch and then buy a pair of underwear that is essentially replacing natural pubic hair with what looked like stuffed animal fur. J. was also amazed and amused by this demented creation, and translated my question for the shopgirl and we all laughed and laughed.

Anyway, the reason that the underwear I did buy is the second most ridiculous pair of underwear ever is because they straddle the line between a thong and regular briefs. This means that the backside is cut way too much to provide any ass coverage, but not nearly narrowly enough that it will sit in your ass crack in any possible comfortable way. The underwear are essentially a guaranteed wedgie. Many women have remarked to me that boy short style underwear are the most likely to give wedgies to anyone who wears them. Oh ho. Just wait until they pull these babies on!

Also, the underwear have possibly the lewdest saying printed on the crotch that I have ever seen on underwear, which I admit is what caught my eye when I passed by the store where they were displayed on the door. They say “Tu chupas o mamas?” I obviously had no idea what that meant, so I asked J., who thought it over for a few minutes before disgustedly telling me that it roughly translated to “Do you suck or lick?” Fuck, that is funny. And what a steal at under $2.00!!! (The drawing of a baby bottle next to the phrase is a tad disturbing though.) I slightly regret not buying the boy cut undies that said “Mas duras” (“harder” or “longer” according to J., although I can’t remember if it was harder, longer, or both.)

I can guarantee that I will never, ever wear these underwear. Not only are they a guaranteed wedgie, but they also are made of some sort of extremely stretchy, non-cotton materials. Prime material, in fact, for a nasty yeast infection to brew up in a humid environment created by unabsorbed crotch sweat. Certainly at worst the underwear will lead the wearer to most unpleasant crotch rot. That said, I knew I could not pass them by and not own them to share with CUSS and SWoUR. The Giant Stuffed Penis sure looks good in ‘em, and that is the most use these undies will see unless someone steals them from me.

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