>I decided that no matter how a model Giant Stuffed Penis is – and let’s face it, he would so kick Heidi Klum’s ass in a lingerie modeling contest – he just didn’t quite illustrate how much ass hangs out of my Dominican underwear. The front of the underwear is cut exactly the same as the back, meaning it is way to thick to be a thong, but not enough to be briefs.

It was high time I stepped up to the plate and did some modeling of my own for SWoUR (Sensible Women’s Underwear Rules). Looking at this picture, it is pretty clear that these synthetic underwear asking “do you suck or lick” written inexplicably next to a baby bottle needed some human to fill them out.

In fact, I had so much fun modeling the undies with the merkin that I am contemplating wondering around the City when the weather gets warmer modeling them. I’ll also don the thong and g-string and whatever other underwear I pick up between now and the spring. I think it will make my point, in a fun way, how fucking stupid most women’s underwear is. While I was totally embarrassed when someone in my building found my Cosabella thong in the building elevator after it fell out of my laundry basket and loudly told the doorman that "someone lost this" as she headed outside with her dog, this is a different situation. I was mortified because the doorman and this woman seemed to think that I'd seriously wear underwear like that. However, if I wear them over my jeans, it is clear that I am either an utter lunatic or mocking bad underwear styles.

This will be great. I can’t wait.