>Remember how George W. Bush said this at his little "Mission Accomplished" aircraft speech and stunt spectacular a few years ago regarding terrorists in Iraq? And the terrorists in Iraq responded by doing exactly that? I do, and I should have learned a very important lesson from good ol' Uncle George, which is never do something that he does because he is an evil asshole.

Anyway, I did not learn. And when challenged by my friend to try wearing thongs and g-strings, I said, "Bring it on!" Now I have string in my ass. It's not the string that is the most uncomfortable thing about the g-string that I purchased on Saturday for $2.99 at the Calvin Klein underwear store in Jersey Gardens, washed on Sunday, and am wearing this very instant. That part, surprisingly, is not bad at all, although it is strange to be wearing underwear and at the same time have my ass completely exposed. No, it is the snatch patch part that is the problem. It has extended itself into my ass. I feel like there is a ball of toilet paper wedged there. Sometimes, if I get my period unexpectedly and don't have proper materials with me, I will jam some toilet paper in the area to prevent messy and embarrassing incidents. (Although the worst of all worlds is the potential for the toilet paper to dislodge and fall out my pants leg in front of people...) It feels sort of like that.