>I returned to New York late last night from my fabulous adventures in Republica Dominicana, which I will recount in great and gory detail over the next few days. One of the first things that I needed to do upon my return, however, was laundry. Almost every place I stayed in had ants, and I actually put some of my clothes in quarantine for fear that I may have picked up some unexpected souvenirs during my escapades in the countryside, if you get my drift.

As long as I was going to wash any clothes that came down with me and my husband to the DR (or RD in español), I figured I might as well finish off all the clothes that were sitting in the hamper from before we left. This pile included the Cosabella red thong with the rhinestone B that the Giant Stuffed Penis so elegantly modeled last week. I gathered all the laundry up and began the annoying process of taking things down to the building’s basement laundry room, which for reasons of extremely poor architectural design, is only accessible through the elevator. There are no stairs.

A few hours later, I was relieved to be brining up the last load from the dryer. I was holding my laundry basket and speaking with one of the building’s staff about our time in the DR when another resident got off the elevator. She was holding a pair of tiny red underwear between her fingers as if she were holding a mouse by the tail. “I found this in the elevator,” she told the building staff member with disgust. “Someone must have dropped them.”

I could not have been more mortified. “Uh, those are mine,” I declared meekly. I grabbed them quickly, my face about as red as the underwear themselves. If you are going to lose underwear in the elevator of your building, it’s better if you lose a granny pair or anything less risqué than a Cosabella thong with a rhinestone B. Shit, I’ve got to be more careful with this kind of stuff. Not only was I horrified by the thought that people now think that I actually wear these types of things, but now I have to wash them again. And, now that I think about it, I think I was not supposed to dry them. Ooops.