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  1. If I see you at the gym wearing biking shorts and they are hanging off you, and
  2. If you have about six inches of space between your thighs.

If you meet this description, I happen to have a lot of chocolate and cheese at my apartment that I’d be happy to share with you. (And if you are that thin due to a grave illness, I wish you a speedy recovery. I’m not being facetious.)

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