>My beloved friend is visiting me from North Carolina for Thanksgiving. One of the reasons she is so beloved to me is because she is one of the very few people who drag me out to a diner at 12:30 am and have extremely loud and totally inappropriate conversations that drown out the loud and boring conversations that the drunk skanks who came to the diner after clubbing are having. The highlight of the evening was the following round table discussion:

Beloved Friend: So I read in an article that in some states it is legal to have sex with animals if they are a certain size. So some guy has an animal sex farm and this guy died while having sex with a horse because its dick pierced his colon.
Me: Shit, that’s nasty. That’s like the guy who punctured his colon with a 12 inch dildo, but worse.
Beloved Friend: What I don’t get, though, is this: don’t men who have sex with animals usually give it?
Friend of Beloved Friend: You’re just old fashioned that way.
Diner customers: [Glare.]
Beloved Friend: How do you even get a horse to fuck you in the first place?
Me: I guess you manually masturbate it until it is hard and then shove your ass on it.
Drunk skanks by bathroom: [RETCH! RETCH!] Honey, do you want me to hold your hair back? You’re puking in your hair!
Us: Ha ha ha ha.

See, while I have similar adventures without my beloved friend, it is really great tto have her around. Happy Thanksgiving!!!