Daughter: Sorry, mom, no can do. I sold the doilies to Victoria's Secret. They cleverly slipped them into a g-string to create the most uncomfortable underwear ever, available for a mere $28. Think about it: you get the discomfort of a string in your ass crack combined with an oddly shaped scratchy-looking lace patch that allows your ass to hang out anyway.
Mother: What the hell am I supposed to tell Grandma? Perhaps you can lie down and we can set the dishes on your ass.