>Mother: I just love afternoon tea the day after Thanksgiving. Honey, can you set the table? Please use the heart-shaped black doilies that Grandma brought back from London.

Daughter: Sorry, mom, no can do. I sold the doilies to Victoria's Secret. They cleverly slipped them into a g-string to create the most uncomfortable underwear ever, available for a mere $28. Think about it: you get the discomfort of a string in your ass crack combined with an oddly shaped scratchy-looking lace patch that allows your ass to hang out anyway.

Mother: What the hell am I supposed to tell Grandma? Perhaps you can lie down and we can set the dishes on your ass.