>This morning I was walking through the subway station at Times Square, transferring from the 3 train to the E train so I could go to a child care center that I funded way out in the wilds of Queens, when I realized I forgot something. "Fucknuts!!!" I said to myself. (Not outloud, but that does happen sometimes.) The word "fucknuts" just cracked me up. I felt much better about whatever it was I forgot, which by now I forgot what it was. The point is that I realized that saying foul and offensive things often is therapeutic for me, so I thought maybe I should list a few of my faves in case others could benefit from their soothing effect as well.

  • Fucknuts
  • Cuntface (can be followed by the words whore or bitch, if extra disgust is warranted)
  • Crap hole
  • Dildo-head
  • Dildo-face
  • Jizz eater
  • Shitfuck
  • Fuck shit piss crap (line from a song in the best musical ever, "Co-Ed Prison Sluts")
  • Cuntlicker (old password for my email account at Columbia and source of embarrassment when I had to share it with a member of a group project in order to retrieve info when my own computer was not working)
  • Fuckball (my mom used this several years ago when another driver cut her off - brilliant)
  • Smug fuck

Wow, I feel much better now. Don't you?