> Once again this year, Victoria’s Secret is offering a special “Fantasy Bra” during the holiday season. It is described thusly in their website:

This breathtaking bra features a delicate floral design rendered in 18-karat with gols with over 2,900 pavé-set diamonds and 22 ruby gemstones. The focal point is the Mouawad Splendor diamond, an extraordinary 101-carat flawless pear-shaped stome. Total carat weight: diamonds, 108.37. Rubies: 38.25.

Heidi Klum modeled the bra last week in the Victoria’s Secret fashion show. (The same one I want to stand outside of in my Victoria’s Secret undies, with a sign that reminds people that onjects modeled do not look the same at home, unless themodel lives at your home.) In an interview with CBS, Heidi Klum said that the bra “gives you $11 million support.” Made in gold, she points out, it will not rust. But that is not the only thing special about the bra. Klum says, “It has a 70-carat diamond. It’s the second biggest diamond in the world dangling on the stomach. And then the breasts are covered in diamonds and stones.”

Good think Heidi explained that it won’t rust. I mean, who wants a rusty $12.5 million bra? Rust flakes are so white trash - unsexy!

So explain this bra to me: Once your sugar daddy Texas oil magnate spends $12.5 million to buy you this bra, are you supposed to wear no shirt or wear the bra over your shirt so that everyone can focus on the second biggest diamond in the world nestled between your tits? (When I was a kid, my mom let me wear my super cool Underoos Snoopy and Wonder Girl undershirts over my shirts so that others could admire them. I assume you’d want to do the same with a $12.5 million bra.) I’ve never heard of hiding regular diamond jewelry under clothes, unless maybe the wearer is on the subway. Usually part of the point of wearing diamonds is so others can ogle and think how lucky the wearer is and hate that bitch. No one hides a ginormous engagement ring under gloves. That defeats the point. I’d think that the sugar daddy buying the bra would want to show off his acquisitions of both bra and wearer.

Another logistical question: Does it even come in more than one size? Initially I thought it might be custom made, but then it occurred to me that Heidi Klum already wore it, so it’s already made. What if a potential customer's titties don't fit? Is the cups size adjustable, or do the potential owner's boobs need to be surgically adjusted to fit? Plus if Heidi Klum already wore it, doesn’t that make it a used $12.5 million bra? I’d be pissed if I spent $12.5 million on a bra and it was used. Even if it wasn’t rusty. Good thing there are thousands of African diamond miners willing to work in slave-labor like conditions in diamond mines hundreds of miles away from their families so the average consumer can have a bra like this, even if it is a used bra.

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