>No, not that kind of nut. Perverts. Yesterday I went to the NY Giants game, which they won by one point in the last 10 seconds, causing me to realize that I could have skipped the previous 2 ½ hours and yet missed none of the excitement. However, I would have missed the disturbing actions of the 11-year-old kid sitting next to me. He had been eating a bag of peanuts when he dropped one on the ground. Initially, he showed good judgment as he seemed to cut his losses and let it go, but after he finished the rest of the bag, I guess he was still hungry. “No, kid, no!” I thought to myself as I watched him bend down and retrieve the peanut from a puddle of water. As he cracked the shell open and slipped the nut into his mouth, my favorite song from camp sprang into my head. Perhaps you are familiar with it? It’s called “Found a Peanut,” sung in a whining drone, and starts like this:

Found a peanut
Found a peanut
Found a peanut just now
Just now I found a peanut
Found a peanut just now

The next 14 verses involve describing the peanut (it was rotten), eating it anyway, getting sick, calling the doctor, getting an operation, dying anyway, going to heaven, getting kicked out, going to hell, shoveling coal, being born again, finding a peanut, describing the peanut (it was rotten), and learning a lesson.

This song was guaranteed to annoy adults. My mom would pretty much explode by the time I got to finding the peanut and it being rotten the second time around. Brilliant. Completely fucking brilliant.

Anyway, my point is that I hope the kid I was sitting next to at the game does not develop a habit of eating random nuts.

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